Lisa Barry: I wonder if there?s anyone listening to me today who thinks they have the one marriage that is beyond repair. Hurts that come from husband and wife seem to be the most painful, don?t they? Maybe it?s because they are so daily, and so hourly. I grew up believing that I had the right to say whatever came to my mind. But such a philosophy, though seemingly liberated, only brought additional strife and disharmony. Whether your marriage is in shambles, or you?ve just discovered that married life is going to take a lot more work than you thought previously, you?ve come to the right place. Elisabeth Elliot is focusing on transformed marriages all week and you just might start your marriage on the road to recovery. It?s all coming up next on Gateway To Joy.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love." That?s what the Bible says. "And underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, reading again a wonderful story of a transformed marriage. How I do love these stories! And I'm collecting quite a wonderful file.

Here's one, she says, those of you who pray for God's working through my speaking will be glad to know of one who had not only ears to hear, but a heart to obey. Here's a heart-warming testimony to the power of God and the rewards of obedience.

"Thank you for saving my marriage for good," she begins. Although she knows and I know who saved it. "It seemed to me that my marriage of 33 years was really ending. There was no communication. I prepared to finish of what had not only ruined my life, but also ruined my boys of 30 and 27. 'Please heal my marriage,' I pleaded to God.

"Then one day I went to hear you speak. God told me through you, 'Go and treat your husband as you would treat Jesus. Call him Lord, (See 1 Peter 3:6) and serve him.' I didn't have anything to lose, so I decided to try. I went home. He was still sitting in his chair like a mummy, not even blinking, watching the TV. I hate that scene!

"But I controlled myself and very respectfully answered, 'If I could talk for a moment.' He immediately, to my surprise, switched the TV off and listened. What do you do next if it's Jesus you're talking to? You ask forgiveness, right? So I did. I told him how un-understanding I was, how stupid I was, how wrong I was my whole life, and I asked him for his forgiveness even though he had decided not to continue our marriage.

"Another surprise. He said he loved me and had always loved me, and wanted to leave because he thought he was a burden to me and our family since he's not working and had been smoking and drunk previously. He doesn't drink anymore. He said he felt inadequate himself and it had nothing to do with me.

"Then I told him how important it is for me to be with him and to have him in the house for me and the boys. Thus, I understood how our communication was distorted because of our own distorted feelings about ourselves. We are still the same people, but our home is based on God's teachings.

"And whenever I am angry with him and want to put him down, I remember--how would I treat him if he were Jesus? My whole approach changes. My words are so different. I speak with love and respect. And do you know what? It's more than one month. It never happened before in 33 years we did not fight!

"I said, 'Wow.' I do not have cramps in my stomach when he opens his mouth to speak. I dearly love him and accept him as he is, and gladly do what he asks me to do. I listen and respect his ideas even though they are 180? different from mine.

"I also have the courage to speak my ideas, but try to say them in a way that will not offend him. It's hard work, but it's worth it.

"Elisabeth, there is such peace in my house that I never, never had. This house was built by Jesus and it will stand forever. I thank God for everything. I do not try to hurt my husband, but I am not always successful. So I tell him I'm sorry--the same day--just as the Bible does. I also talk about my hurts with him. And we solve them the same day.

"Oh how well it works! My only regret is that I didn't know it sooner. God has promised to restore my past and I trust He will. I love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. May God bless you and your ministry."

Three months after she had written this letter, I called to ask permission to quote her. She granted it at once and she said, "Oh, Elisabeth, I have so much love for my husband now. I hated him." And get this, she said, "Every time I went out the door I hoped he would be killed. Now we have a wonderful marriage."

After I had told this story in a meeting, a radiant woman came to tell me that she had almost the identical experience. 33 years of marriage and she had actually asked God to kill her husband. But now, she said, what a difference!

And I want to give you 1 Corinthians 13. "Love does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy; it does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope. It can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen."

There is more than one person listening today who is in a difficult marriage. I suppose when people ask me what is the main thing that people write letters to you about--in fact, somebody asked me that question just yesterday--my answer is messed-up marriages.

I get so many piles of letters of messed-up marriages. I don't want to read you all of those. You'd be so discouraged you wouldn't know what to do. But it's wonderful when I hear of a transformed marriage. A good many of those come from people who had sent me a messed-up marriage story. So thank God for His restoring work, for His cross on which He Himself was willing to be crucified and on which He wants you and me to be willing to be crucified.

We've got to take the pain, you know. We have to accept the fact that life is not going to be all roses. And when we feel that we've been dealt a poor hand of cards, let's remember God is still on His throne. He's the one who ordained marriage. And I often say to young couples who are planning to get married, just take it from me--there will be times when you hurt each other.

Not very long before my daughter and her husband got married, they actually sat down in the kitchen and asked me to give them advice. I don't know very many young couples that do that. I was so gratified, I could hardly believe my ears.

A young couple asking me for advice, especially my own daughter and my future son-in-law? "Yes," they said. "Just start talking. Give us advice."

And you know what I said to them? I said, "You're going to hurt each other." And they looked at each other with utter disbelief. Hurt each other?? How could they possibly do that when they love each other with such a passion? I said, "Well, guess what? I'm right. You will hurt each other. Probably not until after the wedding, but you know, it could be within 24 hours or so. I know because God has given me, in His amazing providence, three different husbands. Very different. I've hurt everyone of them. I know I did. And I've had to respond differently to each of them." But what else is new?

Anyway, I said to them. "You will hurt each other. Remember you heard it here first, and when it happens then remember that there is forgiveness. Jesus Christ forgives us when we repent and take the hurt first of all to the foot of the cross, not to the other person. Don't just snap back and get even. That's not going to get you anywhere. Take it to the foot of the cross. Lay it out before the Lord. Repent of your own anger and fear and hurt." But why should I repent of the hurt, somebody might say. Well, not specifically because of the hurt itself perhaps, but what were your reactions exactly? What were your thoughts about the one who had hurt you?

There is forgiveness, and we must learn gracious forgiveness of one another. Well, here's another testimony of a transformed marriage. She wrote to me, "Me? Obey Him?" The book that she had just read, she said, God spoke to her through that. And she felt that her husband wanted her out, so she left--wounded in spirit. She went to her parents for two months. She wasn't comfortable there. She said, "What shall I do next, Lord?" Ask your husband for forgiveness since you had hurt him, rebelled and disobeyed. She asked for words, and God's response was immediate.

She talked with the husband from the heart, with God's help. She did not ask to come home, but he invited her home, missed her and forgave her. "God met me, " she wrote, "And prepared my husband to be receptive to me. I am blessed beyond measure. I feel complete again with my husband. As you said, men do not always do as they should according to God's Word. But that is none of my business. I am to love him as Christ does and lay all my desires, expectations, disappointments at the foot of the cross."

And she ends with this wonderful note, "I have a new love for my husband that I have not known for some time. I'm trying to focus on his good qualities."

Well, God bless you dear lady, and dear ladies and gentlemen who may be listening. It's the same Lord, you know. He can transform your marriage too.

Lisa Barry: I believe that too. And I?ve tested the principles Elisabeth has shared and found them to be true. They aren?t quick fixes like you?ll find promoted by the media, but sound, biblical truths put into practice in everyday life. And if you?d like a book that will help you in this area, the best one I can think of is Stepping Heavenward by Elisabeth Prentiss. As you read it, you?ll find a very honest and vulnerable women who speaks of the ups and downs of life with great feeling. But you?ll also find hope. The cost of the book is $14.50 and to purchase it, you can send that amount along with a note to :

Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. That?s Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. Or call toll-free, 1-800-759-4JOY. That?s 1-800-759-4569. Or dial up our Web site at gatewaytojoy.org. You can order books, find daily devotionals and much more. That address again is gatewaytojoy.org.

Gateway To Joy has been a production of Back to the Bible and is supported by the generous gifts of people like you. Tomorrow Elisabeth talks about "Understanding Love," so please join us for the next Gateway To Joy.