Lisa Barry: I wonder how many of us can honestly say that our marriages are exactly what God had in mind when He brought us together? Now, let's go even deeper and say, "If your marriage were exactly what God intended, how would it need to change?" At first blush, most of us would envision the things our husbands could be doing differently.

But the truth is, real and lasting change begins with you and me.

All this week on Gateway To Joy, Elisabeth Elliot is speaking to an audience of couples about the parallels between marriage and Christian discipleship. It might just revolutionize your marriage. Find out how as we begin this Monday edition of Gateway To Joy.

Elisabeth Elliot: There may be floods of tears in the first row on the left side of the church as the bride's mother watches her husband lead their daughter down the aisle. The sweet child to which she gave birth now transformed into a vision of glory and, alas, about to be given away! But is the bride dissolved in tears? Hardly! Her eyes are fixed on one man, her beloved, to whom she is about to surrender herself "'til death us do part."

Does she have the smallest inkling of what will be required of her as a wife? Does the thought of sacrifice cross her mind? Has she understood that everyone "shall be salted with fire"? That comes from Mark 9:49.

And he...what occupies his mind as he watches this slow procession? It is unlikely that he is pondering God's reasons for ordaining marriage. "For the procreation of children; for a remedy against sin; and for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity: into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined," according to the Book of Common Prayer...that's where I got that part.

As the bride, with undisturbed pace, deliberate speed, majestic instancy moves down the aisle, she is not sobbing, thinking of the sacrifices she will be required to make. Her thoughts are of the explosive power of a new affection. Her eyes are fixed on that beloved man who waits with tingling anticipation; each filled with joy at the voluntary choice to surrender. "I want you, and I want you to want me."

Think of discipleship. A realistic view of marriage is not a sociological, historical, psychological or sexual study; but a theological mystery, which takes into account and is shaped by an understanding of its profound spiritual character, as ordained by Christ--a total relinquishment of the self to another person. There are striking similarities between marriage and discipleship. Both involve a revolution and a revelation. Do pastors who counsel engaged couples speak clearly to them of the meaning of "the cross of self-abandonment"?

One day, as Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon Peter and Andrew, casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. "Come, follow Me," said Jesus, "and I will make you fishers of men." At once, they left their nets and followed Him. Did they know what they were in for?

Jesus began at once to teach the disciples. The Sermon on the Mount was His starting point, which, although it was a bombardment of seemingly impossible requirements, nevertheless drew, in addition to the disciples, crowds who were amazed at His teaching and saw that He had authority beyond the teachers of the law.

So taking His chosen twelve, He demonstrated His supernatural power to heal the sick and the blind, to calm the storm, to raise the dead. He reminded the disciples that it is enough for the student to be like his teacher and the servant like his master. They were warned not to be surprised if they should lose their lives for His sake. His faithful servant, John the Baptist, lost his head. Jesus, Himself, must go to Jerusalem, where He would suffer many things and die.

This was too much for Peter. "Never Lord," he said. "This shall never happen to You." He received a stinging reply, "Get behind Me, Satan. You are a stumbling block to Me. You do not have in mind the things of God but the things of men." Jesus, immediately after He had spoken so sternly to Peter, offered a gracious invitation. Note that He did not coerce. There were many other itinerant rabbis in Jesus' day. A disciple could choose which one he wanted to follow. Jesus' invitation was meant, I believe, not only for the twelve but also for those throughout the world who love Him enough to do what He says.

Discipleship to this day requires the acceptance of three conditions: Number One, Give up your right to yourself; Number Two, Take up the cross; and Number Three, Follow.

Discipleship, to this day, requires the acceptance of those three conditions: give up your right to yourself, take up the cross and follow. That's from Matthew 16:24. And someone wrote this, "I heard Him call, 'Come follow.' That was all. My gold grew dim. My soul went after Him. Who would not follow if they heard Him call?"

Jeremy Taylor, whose dates were 1613 to 1667, prayed this prayer (and I think it would be a very good one for all of us married folks), "Lord, do Thou turn me all into love, and all my love into obedience, and let my obedience be without interruption. Lord, do Thou turn me all into love, and all my love into obedience, and let my obedience be without interruption." Be a good idea to pray that every day, I think!

Now, a passage from 1 Peter 3, "Husbands, try to understand the wives you live with. Honor them" (which means do not despise them) "as the weaker one." This is from JB Phillips' translation, and I love JB Phillips. I like to use many different translations, but his is very blunt and very modern and I like this directive to you men, because we women know that no man can fathom a woman, or ever figure out what in the world she is trying to say or why in the world is she crying. It says here, "try to understand the wives you live with. Try to understand the wives you live with. Honor them." Do not despise them. "Honor them as weaker."

And Peter has some things to say to us women, "Wives should have a calm and gentle spirit, a thing very precious in the eyes of God." This was the secret of the beauty of the holy women of ancient times who trusted in God and were submissive to their husbands. We are true descendants of Sarah, as long as we live good lives and do not give way to hysterical fears.

Submission is for both men and women, of course. But there is a specific place in which the man is meant to be the head, as we all know, and we wives are to be subordinate, and therefore to be submissive. But submission means the acceptance of authority. And of course, every man has to accept the authority of Christ, himself. But I think one of the most difficult things for us women to do, is to submit to our husbands, because we know that they're fallible. We know that they can make mistakes. The Bible doesn't give us any fire escapes. It just makes it very clear that we are to submit to our husbands.

And you can imagine...I get piles and piles of letters from women saying, "Elisabeth Elliot, are you gonna tell me that I've got to submit to this bum? If you knew this guy the way I know him...etc. etc." What am I supposed to say? I didn't make up this stuff! I got it out of this Book, right here! There isn't anything I can tell them that they couldn't have figured out by themselves. I write 'em back and I say, "This is what the Bible says. This is what God says."

Now I do have a list here that I call Ten Commandments, and these are not the ones from Moses on the mountain, but they are relevant to all of us men and women:

Number One: Respect the image of God in the other person. Respect the image of God.

Number Two: Remember that God has given you a gift in your spouse. That is a gift.

Number Three: The law is love, which means sacrifice. Love always means sacrifice. Jesus himself set the example for all of us in laying down His life for you and me.

Number Four: Relinquish your rights. And God can help you to see when and where and how you can do that, and when you need to do that. There are certainly times when men have to relinquish their rights and times when we certainly have to relinquish ours as well. Trust the Holy Spirit to make clear to you what He is asking you to do.

Number Five: Let each esteem the other better than himself. And you can add this, live for the good of the other.

Lisa Barry: And with that challenging thought we will bring today's program to a close. I am sure some of the things you heard today were challenging. But isn't that exactly what you come to Gateway To Joy for? I love the fact that Elisabeth Elliot doesn't mince words, nor does she water down the truth. She speaks the truth in love, when I'm tempted to speak half-truths out of self-love. I wish every woman desiring to mature in a Christian life could have heard today's program.

But the truth is, the message can only get out into the areas where Gateway To Joy is heard. The fact that you hear Gateway To Joy means that there are people nearby who are giving of their time and financial resources to make that happen. Will you be one of those people? Your gifts make it possible for Gateway To Joy to stay on the air so that your friends and neighbors have the opportunity to grow spiritually, too. Your gifts also bridge the gap for those who are unable to give right now.

Everyone doing what God has led them to do is our goal. Will you ask God what your role might be today? Here is our address: Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501. Or you can call us at 1-800-759-4JOY.

We also have today's program available on tape. Ask about the series entitled, "Discipleship and Marriage," when you call 1-800-759-4569. Or you can also find us on the Internet at: gatewaytojoy.org.

Gateway To Joy is a listener-supported production of Back to the Bible. Elisabeth talks more about this marriage revolution tomorrow. So make it a point to join us then for the next Gateway To Joy.