Elisabeth Elliot: "Most men are too individualistic, too preoccupied with the drive of ambition, to come sufficiently into partnership with motherhood. Far too much responsibility is shifted to the mother."

Lisa Barry: What you've just heard is an excerpt from a book written by Elisabeth Elliot's grandfather. To be honest, I was surprised to hear that even 100 years ago there was talk of men taking on more responsibility in child care. But that's exactly what we'll be hearing today, as Elisabeth continues to read portions of a book entitled FATHER AND SON. If you know someone who is thinking about marriage or starting a family, you'll both appreciate the timely and timeless insights of this book. And now, let's begin our second installment of the book FATHER AND SON. Here's Elisabeth.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love." That's what the Bible says. "And underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, reading again today from my grandfather Howard's book. He was Philip E. Howard. It's a book called FATHER AND SON. He wrote this book to my father, who was Philip E. Howard, Jr.

I'm still on the first chapter, "Preparing for Fatherhood." "It will not be regarded as a departure from the limitations of these studies of father, home and boy if the suggestion is here made that right preparation for fatherhood requires the developing of a sense of partnership with motherhood."

I wonder how many of you fathers would have thought of that. Right preparation for fatherhood requires the developing of a sense of partnership with motherhood.

"For was not Longfellow right when he wrote, 'As unto the bow, the cord is; so unto the man is woman. Though she bends him, she obeys him. Though she draws him, yet she follows. Useless each without the other.'

"Not as the task or the privilege of an individual in solitary responsibility are we to regard fatherhood, but every man who looks forward to or now has a father's opportunities ought to bear fully in mind that he has a partner in motherhood. That is a very heartening fact to the right-minded man. He will not allow a fore-shortened view of fatherhood to cramp his sense of absolute personal responsibility for his boy's training. Nor, on the other hand, will he fail to recognize that he is not alone in the task but that there is one with whom he must learn to work in partnership and whose share in the enterprise is very large-larger than his, by far, in point of time spent in direct service and costly self-sacrifice.

"The father must from the beginning prepare not for an arbitrary individualism in enforcing his convictions on child training irrespective of the mother's counsel, but for a sane, ready, patient cooperation with the full knowledge of the material in which he is working."

I think that this passage is crucial, because I have been asked at times, "What do you think are the main causes of trouble in marriage?" Certainly one of them is how we are going to discipline the children. One may not want to discipline much at all, and the other one may perhaps be too severe. So it is a case that needs to be taken up together between father and mother.

"This means modesty of opinion, openness of mind, teachability"-which I call meekness-"tact in putting his resources at the disposal of the family; not mere money, but himself." Too many fathers, it seems to me, consider that as long as they bring home the bacon and provide their children's education, they are not really required to do much of anything else. Modesty of opinion. Openness of mind. Teachability and tact. Putting his resources at the disposal of the family; not mere money, but himself.

"And a sensible recognition of the fact that a measure is not necessarily right and wise simply because he says it is. It is idle to suppose that a home can be anything more than a house without the spirit and practice of partnership. But this does not just happen along, tramp-fashion. Most men are too individualistic, too preoccupied with the drive of ambition, the concentration of energy upon productive or executive or research faculties, to come sufficiently into partnership with motherhood. Far too much responsibility is shifted to the mother.

"A man ought to keep himself aware of this tendency as he faces toward fatherhood. And as he values the sanctities of the marriage bond and appreciates the significance of fatherhood, he ought to plan definitely for more than his share of the partnership in child training.

"Taking a long look ahead, what, after all, is he to stand for as a member of that family group? He must decide-the earlier, the better. It would be worth far more than any cost that a man can put into it to have such an influence, such a blending of partnership ideals and service."

And now a chapter on "The First Few Years." "He was a very little fellow, sitting up in his crib in the children's ward. When I came to him on my visit, he seemed more eager to talk than any of the other little boys in the room. He had heard me chatting with the others from crib to crib. When I stood beside him, he looked up, his lips trembled, and he pulled one leg out from under the bedclothes.

'I've got a sore leg,' he explained. He had, indeed. 'I'm going to have an operation today. Yes, sir, today.' I took a good look at the infected leg. Then with the cheeriest smile I could muster, I said, 'Well, youngster, you'll be glad to feel better, won't you? And you won't know anything about that operation while the doctor is doing it. Anybody here with you?'

"The tears came into his eyes. 'No, sir,' he replied. 'Nobody here. I haven't any mother.' 'But what about father,' I asked expectantly. 'Father can't be here,' answered the little chap. 'He's gone huntin' today.'

"When he said, 'Father can't be here,' there flashed upon my mind the vision of a hardworking man, held by his task. But going hunting? I did what I could to cheer the almost baby boy, and I was not entirely free from the earnest desire to do a little hunting on my own account that day and waylay that father for a few moments' conversation. The circumstances make this seem like an extreme case of irresponsible fatherhood, yet it is not as rare as it ought to be. For it is much too easy for fatherhood to stand aside from the fellowship, the shared life of the very small boy, and on various theories of action, to let someone else have both the privilege and the burden.

"The man who visualizes clearly and measures his fatherhood unselfishly will not live out of his program of responsibility the first years of his child's life. The man will have a hard time in the other years of his undergraduate and post-graduate course in fatherhood if he skips or fumbles this freshman period.

"It's all very well for a man to have the honest conviction that the boy's mother can do many things for the boy much better than the father can, but she ought not to be asked by the father to be both mother and father in the beginning years.

"Do you recall that passage in John Halifax? 'Little feet to go pattering about our house, a little voice to say, "Father."' You cannot think what an awful joy it is to be looking forward to a child, a little soul of God's giving, to be made fit for eternity. Unless the father recognizes that the prolonged infancy of his child is very rich in these matters of importance, he will have no adequate conception of what has occurred from month to month and what can be brought to pass in the life of the little one for whom he has so great a responsibility.

"Whence does the little child derive his idea of God? He is soon told by someone that God is his Heavenly Father. But what idea of God does the word father convey to him? It is in the life of the very little child that the thought of God as a father so readily finds its place and influence. A man may think that the mother, in her tenderness and faithfulness and loving care, will sufficiently verify by her life and words the thought of God's heavenly care, and that the Father may wisely be a sympathetic onlooker rather than a constant participant in the details of the picture of a Heavenly Father that is taking shape in the child's soul.

"But the father cannot avoid this, even if he would. Far better is it for him to recognize the mothering duty that is his own from the beginning and to enter into the significance of the profound truth back of Mr. Gordon's story of a man who came to understand what fatherhood can mean.

'A minister,' writes Mr. Gordon, 'was preaching to his home congregation on Sabbath morning. His son, five years old, sat in the minister's family pew with others. The strain of life had been too much for the mother's strength. The tether of life had worn thin and raveled out and then parted, and she had slipped away. It was said, in an undertone among the families of the church, that the father of the boy, brokenhearted over his loss, ministered with his own hands to the little fellow's needs, doing what a mother's hands commonly do.

"He was preaching as usual this Sabbath morning. In his sermon, he spoke of a mother's care and said, 'Who can take the place of a mother?' His little son, listening intently, spoke out with the unconscious artlessness of a child. And with the slow speech and the thin treble of childish lips that could be distinctly heard in the quiet of the church, he said, 'I think a father does very well.'

"A sudden hush cast its soft spell over the church as the father swallowed something in his throat. With glistening eyes, he smiled bravely down into his little son's face and then went quietly on with his sermon."

Lisa Barry: With that, I need to jump in and bring things to a close for today. You've been listening to Elisabeth Elliot read an excerpt from her grandfather's book entitled FATHER AND SON. I've found it refreshing to hear a program directed at fathers and the important role they play in the lives of their children. If you'd like to hear these portions again with Elisabeth reading them, then you'll want to purchase this two-week tape series. It's entitled FATHER AND SON. Be sure and ask for the tape series when you write.

The cost is $11.50. You can send that, along with your request, to Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501. Or you can call toll-free: 1-800-759-4JOY. If you're on the Internet, be sure and check out our Web site. You'll find our online product catalog, weekly program topics, transcripts and more. That address is gatewaytojoy.org. Today's program has been a production of Back to the Bible.

Tomorrow Elisabeth continues reading her grandfather's book as it moves into the early years of the child's life. Join us then for another Gateway To Joy.