Lisa Barry: All this week, Elisabeth Elliot has been talking about dating and whether or not the methods of today are really all they're cracked up to be. But we all know that dating is an ancient practice, right? You might be surprised at the answer to that. And now, let's hear a few closing thoughts on the question, "Is Dating Necessary." That's right here on Gateway To Joy. Here's Elisabeth.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love," that's what the Bible says, "and underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, discussing again today a really hot question, "Is dating necessary?" I've been trying to show that there are some alternatives to dating, and I do believe that God wants to help you to find the right wife or the right husband. But we have to learn patience. We have to learn surrender of our wills. We have to learn prayer, quiet waiting on God.

In the epistle of James, he says, "If any of you does not know how to meet any particular problem, he has only to ask God, who gives generously to all men without making them feel foolish or guilty; and he may be quite sure that the necessary wisdom will be given him. But he must ask in sincere faith, without secret doubts as to whether he really wants God's help or not."

I want to read that again. "If any of you does not know how to meet any particular problem, he has only to ask God, who gives generously to all men without making them feel foolish or guilty; and he may be quite sure that the necessary wisdom will be given him. But he must ask in sincere faith, without secret doubts as to whether he really wants God's help or not. The man who trusts God, but with inward reservations, is like a wave of the sea, carried forward by the wind one moment and driven back the next. That sort of man cannot hope to receive anything from the Lord, and the life of a man of divided loyalty will reveal instability at every turn."

Let's look at what John says in 1 John. "Never give your hearts to this world, or to any of the things in it. A man cannot love the Father and love the world at the same time. For the whole world system, based as it is on men's primitive desires, their greedy ambitions and the glamour of all that they think splendid, is not derived from the Father at all, but from the world itself The world, and all its passionate desires, will one day disappear. But the man who is following God's will is part of the permanent and cannot die."

One of my favorite verses--one of the verses that I gave to the reporters who asked us why in the world five men would go into a savage tribe in Ecuador and get themselves killed. My answer was, "The world and all its passionate desires will one day disappear, but the man who is following God's will is part of the permanent."

We're talking about dating, and I do believe that these words from 1 John apply certainly to current ideas of dating. The whole world system is based on men's primitive desires, greedy ambitions and the glamour of all that they think splendid. As John says, it is not derived from the Father at all, but from the world itself. Christians have bought the dating package, most of them, hardly giving so much as a thought to the possibility that dating is not only not necessary, but a very recent innovation, which the world accepts without question. I question it.

I don't want to be construed as saying that dating is necessarily sinful. Two people might enjoy a date and remain pure with no physical contact, no emotional striptease, no intimacy of any kind. But I do believe that it is a very hazardous method. Temporary romance leads to intimacy and break up. That is preparation for divorce, not marriage.

According to the Bible, falling in love is not a prerequisite for marriage. When Eliezer, Abraham's servant, arrived with the camels and Rebekah, the woman that he had chosen for his master's son, the Bible says that Isaac was meditating when she arrived. All we know is that when she got down off the camel, Isaac took her into the tent. That was it. She was then his wife. They didn't have a chance to fall in love or to fall out of love.

God had arranged the whole thing through the father and the servant. God works through people, so much more often than we would like to believe. But we have become so individualistic and so independent that we're going to do our own thing and we don't want anybody telling us what to do or giving us any advice or even giving us a warning, if we've made up our minds to do something foolish. It's not prerequisite that we fall in love, according to the Bible.

In Ephesians 5:25, we read, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy." Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy. That means sacrifice, doesn't it? Love always means sacrifice. That is Paul's advice to husbands. Then his advice for wives, for the older women in the church (Titus 2:4)--"They can train the younger women to love their husbands and children."

In other words, men and women have to learn to love. We have to learn to love a husband or a wife as God wants us to. It's not a snap. It's not mere emotions. It's not the feelings of a moment, it is a lifetime course that we choose. As I said to one couple who were married just the other day, "You chose to marry because you were in love, but from tomorrow morning and henceforward, you must choose to love because you married."

Someone sent me a testimony from a man named Jonathan Lindval. I was impressed with some of the things that he said. This is an article that he wrote called "An Alternative to Dating." He says that the problem is that "dating is a temporary, romantic relationship. This kind of relationship logically leads to a conclusion: breaking up.

Years ago, as a young youth minister, I came to the conclusion that dating was preparation for divorce rather than marriage. Few realize that dating is a relatively recent phenomenon. It arose out of an eighteenth century philosophical movement called romanticism, which emphasized passion rather than logic. Love between husbands and wives has not always been perceived as a prerequisite for entering marriage; rather, it was understood that married partners would grow to love one another."

He refers to those same scriptures that I have just read. "Why would we teach our young people that they must save themselves physically for the one God has chosen as their lifelong partner, while giving their emotions first to one and then to another in the dating relationship? Privileges that God intended to be reserved for His ordained institution of marriage are lightly given to others in the recent manmade practice of dating, and our children are wounded.

"I have concluded that God's best is for me to teach my children not to allow themselves to cultivate romantic inclinations toward anyone, until they know that God has shown them that this person is to be their lifelong mate. Thus my children do not participate in dating. Ideally, they don't even allow themselves to dream about romantic relationships with a specific individual.

"Actually, my own experience follows this principle more closely than most. I wanted to marry a young lady my parents didn't feel was God's choice for me. I purposed not to proceed without their blessing. Later, the Lord showed me in part through my parents' hints that I was to marry Connie, and confirmed it through our parents' blessing.

"Although I was not yet love with her (regrettably I had allowed my emotions to focus on the first girl), I sought and acquired Connie's parents' blessing to marry her. All this took place before I had much emotional attachment to Connie, and certainly before she was at all interested in me. When, with her parents' blessing, I proposed to her, she had absolutely no idea I was even interested in her.

"Neither of us was in love with the other. In time, Connie concluded that I was God's will for her. It was during our engagement period that we actually grew to love each other. When our daughter Bethany was 12, I took her out to dinner one evening and presented her with a golden necklace with a heart-shaped pendant, formed like a padlock. There was a small keyhole and an accompanying key.

"I presented the pendant and necklace to our daughter and asked her to 'give me your heart' (Prov. 23:26). I explained that I wanted to keep the gold key as a symbol that she would trust me with her emotions. I specifically asked her not to entertain romantic thoughts toward any young man, until she and her mother and I together would conclude that he was God's choice to be her husband. I explained at the beginning of her marital engagement I would give the gold key to her betrothed, and that although she might not yet love him, she would then be free to give her heart to him."

That sounds like a very sane and sensible method to me. So I commend to you, first of all, the wonderful Counselor, who is God, Himself, be willing to put yourself under His direction. If He directs an older person to help you in making this most important of decisions in your life, are you humble enough to listen? May God help us.

Lisa Barry: We only have a minute left on today's program, but it's just long enough to tell you how much we appreciate those of you who support us so faithfully with your prayers and financial gifts. We couldn't do it without you, because that's the way God wants it. When you invest in Gateway To Joy, we become co-laborers together in the harvest field. I hope you know how much your sacrifice is noticed and valued. God bless you. If you'd like to send a gift, our address is:

Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska 68501. That's Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska 68501. Or, you can call toll-free at 1-800-759-4JOY. That's 1-800-759-4569. For information on the book we've been mentioning called Taking Flight, this weekly series or the Mother's Day gift package we've been telling you about the last couple weeks--write, call us at 1-800-759-4569 or go on-line at gatewaytojoy.org.

Today's program has been a production of Back to the Bible. Monday, Elisabeth talks about teenagers and parents. This is Lisa Barry wishing all of you mothers a wonderful and refreshing Mother's Day on Sunday. God bless you. We'll see you back here on Monday.