Elisabeth Elliot: I know what it was like when I was desperately desiring a husband. And I remember when that man that I was most earnestly hoping God would give me for a husband, told me that he loved me; and then, told me that perhaps he was going to remain single for the rest of his life.

Lisa Barry: We all have stories, don't we? Stories of longings unfulfilled, and dreams that fell apart in a thousand pieces. Whether it's because of a romance that wasn't or some other pain, it hurts. Today on Gateway To Joy, Elisabeth Elliot takes us deeper into the trials of singleness and offers hope for satisfaction. Want to know more? Then be sure and stay tuned for the answer as we begin this Friday edition of Gateway To Joy.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love." That's what the Bible says, "And underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, talking again today about the trials of singleness.

I had a letter from a medical student, 22 years old, who had never had a Christ-centered relationship. She said, "I am completely inept at beginning a relationship." Well, I too would have been in that category, if my mother had not taught me that it was not my business to begin a relationship. I think I was about thirteen years old when my mother said to me, "Never chase boys. Always keep them at arm's length."

Well, this medical student says, "I intimidate men. I am six feet tall. Every time I walk into a room, I am searching, watching, hoping for Mr. Right. I can't conquer that desire to be needed as a girlfriend." That's the end of the quotation, but I am convinced that when a woman initiates a relationship, she is out of order.

Where do I get an idea like that? Well, I got it out of the Bible. Eve was made to be a helper to Adam. He was made to be the initiator. She was made to be the responder. That's one scripture that you might not think is very powerful in giving that message, but in Ephesians 5, we have a very clear and unequivocal message about the difference between a man and a woman.

Christ is the head of His Church; the husband is the head of a wife, as Christ is head of the Church. The wife is in a subordinate position. That doesn't mean she's worth less anymore than Christ is worth less than His Father, or the Holy Spirit is worth less than Christ Himself.

But there is a hierarchy. There is an order. God's order is that men should be the initiators and the providers and the protectors and the husbands, and that women should be the responders--those who have the attitude of Mary--"Behold, the handmaiden of the Lord. Let it happen as you say."

My heart does go out to this dear woman, 22 years old, six feet tall, who wishes that she could find Mr. Right. Searching, watching, hoping. I don't think you can necessarily stop hoping and searching. I would certainly hope that your watching is as circumspect as you can possibly make it be. But daily bring those deep desires and perfectly natural desires under the lordship of Jesus Christ.

She says, "I'm working on trying to satisfy myself completely and wholly with God's love. I constantly turn all of my thoughts, hopes, feelings, that I have for men, specific and in general, to God. Yet I am still anxious, still unsatisfied. Is this normal? I was wondering if you had any insight as to how I can be satisfied with my singleness and how I can establish relationships with Christian men without appearing desperate for an exclusive relationship."

I would answer the first question, "How can I be satisfied with my singleness?": by believing that God will not withhold any good thing. Psalm 84:11 says, "No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly." Our job is to walk uprightly. It's God's job to choose whether He gives us a husband or a wife, or any other what appears to us to be a good thing, because only God knows if it's a good thing.

As for how she can establish a relationship with Christian men without appearing desperate, don't try to establish any one-to-one relationship. Let the men do the initiating, otherwise you will appear desperate. A girl who asks a guy out, or calls a man, or writes him a sweet little note to find out how he feels about her, he knows she's desperate.

She goes on to say, "I know the Lord has a great plan for me, whether single or married, but I think my wants and needs in the context of a relationship are in my way of being exclusively satisfied with the love of God." Well, she is absolutely right about that. She has put her finger on the crucial problem. Her wants and needs in the context of a relationship are in the way of being exclusively satisfied with the love of God. You have to choose one or the other.

Do I sound glib? Do I sound heartless? I know how hard it is to choose. I know what it was like when I was desperately desiring a husband. I remember when that man that I was most earnestly hoping God would give me for a husband, told me that he loved me; and then, told me that perhaps he was going to remain single for the rest of his life.

I had to go not only to the Scriptures, but to some of Amy Carmichael's poems, one for example that says:

"Lord crucified,
O mark Thy holy cross on motive, preference, all fond desires;
On that which self in any form inspires,
Set Thou that sign of loss.
And when the touch of death is here and there laid on a thing most precious in our eyes,
Let us not wonder.
Let us recognize the answer to this prayer."

St. Francis De Sales says, "Let us humble ourselves, I beseech you, and plead only our sores and miseries at the gate of the divine mercy. But remember to plead them with joy, comforting yourself in being completely empty and completely single, that our Lord may fill you with His kingdom.

"Be mild and affable with everyone, except with those who would take away your glory, which is your wretchedness and your perfect singleness. 'I glory in my infirmities,' says the Apostle, 'and it is better for me to die than to lose my glory.' You must carefully guard your misery and your littleness, for God regards it as He did that of the blessed virgin Mary. Man seeth those things that appear, but the Lord beholdeth the heart.

"If He sees our littleness in our hearts, He will give us great graces. Be then joyously humble before God, but be joyously humble also before the world. Be very glad that the world takes no account of you. If it esteems you, mock at it gaily and laugh at its judgment and at your misery that is judged. If it esteems you not, console yourself joyously, because in this at least the world follows truth.

"If you keep God's company, you will learn God's disposition. Have a great and longsuffering courage. Do not lose it for mere noise--the noise of words, the noise of people's judgments and criticisms. Our enemy is a great clatterer. Do not trouble yourself at all about him. He cannot hurt you, I well know. Mock at him and let him go on. Do not fight with him. Ridicule him, for it is all nothing. He has howled round about the saints and made plenty of hubbub, but to what purpose? In spite of it all, there they are, seated in the place that he has lost. The wretch!"

Jeremiah 2:13 says, "My people have committed two sins. They have forsaken Me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." I'm sure that many divorces have happened because people have dug their own cisterns. They have not sought the will of God in getting married.

Of course, another reason, although they did seek the will of God and it was indeed the will of God that they marry this particular person, they have forsaken God, the fountain of living water. They are not drinking of that living water daily. So they are losing touch with God and becoming disobedient and discontent and they're saying, "My husband doesn't fulfill my needs," or "My wife does so and so and so," or "She doesn't do this or that or the other thing." The answer for them is divorce. But God hates divorce.

I'm talking to singles. Let me repeat once again the little poem, sort of, that I read yesterday and see if this describes the state of your heart and your attitude toward God:

"I am willing to receive what You send,
To lack what You withhold,
To relinquish what You take,
To suffer what You inflict,
To do what You command,
And to be what You require."

"Grace hath no handicap. Christ sets us free for all He would have us do or have us be. Fully equipped in Him all through our days, He giveth victory. To Him be praise!" That comes from 2 Corinthians 12:9. It might be helpful for you to look up that verse and memorize it. 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Lisa Barry: While you're jotting down that verse, here are a couple of other things that you may want to know about. The book, Passion and Purity, is a book that thousands of people have used to redirect their love lives. It's been read by people that are skeptics. It's been read by people without much of a moral compass. It's been read by High school students, college students, ardent readers and reluctant readers.

In other words, Passion and Purity has transcended traditional boundaries to reach out and give hope to singles in every walk of life. If you know someone who fits any of the descriptions I've just listed, then why not send them a copy of this life-changing book? The cost is $12.50 and to purchase it, you can send that amount along with a note to:

Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. That's Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. Or, call toll-free 1-800-759-4JOY. The series you've been listening to today is only half over and the rest will be aired next week. All ten talks are available on cassette for you to purchase. The title to ask for is The Trials of Singleness. Ask about it when you call 1-800-759-4569. Our Internet address is gatewaytojoy.org.

Gateway To Joy has been a listener-supported production of Back to the Bible. Monday, be sure and be back with us again when Elisabeth reveals the road to acceptance. It can be a long and winding road, and you just might find the direction you're looking for the next time we meet for Gateway To Joy.