Lisa Barry: Is there someone in your life who seems to railroad over everyone? I knew someone like that. I don't think I ever had a conversation with that person when I didn't walk away feeling slighted or insulted or ridiculed. The more time that passed, the more those verbal wounds grew and festered. I wanted to tell others of my pain and tell them who caused it. I wanted to inflict the same kind of pain back. Have you ever felt that way? Well, Elisabeth Elliot has some wonderful words for those of us who have been wronged by another person. So get paper and pen and write down the things you're about to hear. It'll make all the difference in the world. Now let's get back to Texas to here Elisabeth begin this Thursday edition of Gateway To Joy.

Elisabeth Elliot: Many of you have heard the story that Corrie ten Boom told about how she was speaking one time in Germany, long after the war. In the back of the room, she saw the German guard who had been responsible for starving her sister to death. She said, "At the end of the meeting, to my dismay I saw this man coming down the aisle with his hand outstretched. I just sent up an S.O.S. to the Lord. I said, 'Lord, I cannot shake hands with that man.' By the time he got to me, my hand shot out, and in that split second God gave me grace to say, 'I forgive you.'" Of course, she found out that he was a brother in Christ. He was coming to ask her forgiveness.

How long does it take? And you're going to say, "Well, I'm not going to say it until I can mean the words," which very often just means "until I feel good about it." Now let's remember, ladies-and this is one of the things very important for women to remember-we are very much likely to major in the emotional side of things rather than the will. God has given to all of us will and emotion. Which one rules your life?

I'm much too old to have ever heard of PMS back in the days when I was that age. There was no such thing as PMS, so we didn't have any excuses to be nasty. I don't know what all is involved in that. I just hear it. It goes around over my head all the time. People talk about, "Oh, you know, well, there's certain days of the month when my family just can't talk to me. I don't want to talk to them." And then there are people who say, "Well, I can't talk to anybody until I have my coffee." What are you, some kind of a bear? Do you have a right to be snotty and nasty just because it's 6:00 in the morning and you haven't had your coffee yet?

All of this has something to do with what it means to have a gentle and quiet spirit, to be Christlike, to exhibit the Christ-life in our homes, not just in our church, not just in our neighborhood, but primarily in our homes. If the children don't see it there, if your husband doesn't see it there, we're in trouble.

So in Colossians 3:13 we are told that we have to bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Now that part is hard enough. How about the last half? "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13. "Forgive as the Lord forgave you," which means "lay down your desire for vindication."

"But she was wrong! Why do I have to forgive her?" I've given you all the reasons from Scripture. I am to lay down my desire for vindication. I would like to be vindicated. I would like it to be known that I was right, but God doesn't give me that privilege. I am to lay down my desire for vindication. I am to lay down my right to an apology. That's a tough one. You may have a right to an apology, because the person really did wrong you.

But how about just getting rid of the burden, getting rid of asking yourself, "When is that woman ever going to realize what she did to me?" The chances are, she's not going to realize it and she's not interested in realizing it and she's forgotten all about it, perhaps. So why lug through life all that terrible burden of vindictiveness and bitterness?

I'm sure that all of us know somebody who is just like a tiger in a corner. We had one in our church. She was a woman that lashed out like a tiger with everybody that came near her. We were all scared to death of her. Nobody wanted to get near that poor woman. She was so angry, and nobody seemed to be able to figure out what it was.

I remember one time-I was sitting right behind her in church. She had just taken off her coat and she flopped the coat over the pew in front of her. The coat fell off on the floor. She was so angry that she grabbed that coat and she just threw it against the pew in front of her, as if it was the fault of that coat. That's how angry she was.

But there was no question that she was filled with un-dealt-with bitterness. Lay down your desire for vindication. Lay down your right to an apology. Lay down the pleasure that you might get from that person's humiliation.

Let's be honest with ourselves. It would be very pleasant if the person who wronged us was humiliated by it. Lay down your will, in other words. "Bring every thought," it says in 2 Corinthians 10, "under obedience to Christ." Every thought is to be brought under obedience.

Someone is sitting here this afternoon and saying, "Elisabeth, I can't do that. I just know that I will never be able to do that." So I want to read you a poem that Amy Carmichael wrote. Psalm 56:3 is what she headed it with. "Nevertheless, although I am sometimes afraid, yet put I my trust in Thee."

Perhaps you're afraid that you're going to lose something very valuable if you let go of that bitterness. This is what she writes: "Never will I ask of thee more than thou canst do. Ever I will be with thee, Savior, Shepherd, too. Never shall go forth from Me too hard for thee. Trust Me then, O child of Mine, faith knows not to fear. Thou art Mine and I am thine; I am always near. Near to be thy strong defense, quietness and confidence."

Romano Guardini said, "Forgiveness is renouncing the right to administer justice to oneself." Put that down in your book, will you? Renouncing the right to administer justice to oneself. "Relinquishment of the wish to see punishment meted out to others." It is very soothing, isn't it, to see punishment meted out to somebody else who has done you in.

"Forgiveness is quitting the questionable territory of desires. Pain for pain leads to the open country of freedom. Forgiveness reestablishes order by acquitting the offender and thereby placing him in a new and higher order of justice. He who insists on rights"-and this is the most important part-"He who insists on rights places himself outside the community of men. He would like to be judged of men rather than one of them. Only forgiveness frees us from the injustice of others." Only forgiveness frees us from the injustice of others.

Now let me give you just four points which will show you how to forgive. And these, very quickly. Number one, receive the grace. You won't be able to forgive unless you have received the grace. Matthew 18:21-35. I love what Corrie ten Boom says: "When God casts our sins into the depths of the sea, He puts up a sign and says, 'No fishing.'"

Number two, acknowledge the wrong. Be straightforward with God. Acknowledge the fact that this person has wronged you, like Alexander the coppersmith. That's an important step. If you don't acknowledge the wrong, you don't have anything to forgive.

Number three, lay down all your rights. "Lose your life for My sake," Jesus said. Forgiveness is the unconditional laying down of the self. That's all under number three now. Lay down all the rights.

Number four, what to do to and for the one who has wronged you. What shall I do? Okay, I'll give you a, b, c, and d under these four. A) If he asks for forgiveness, forgive him. You don't have to write that down. That's so simple. If he asks for forgiveness, of course you say yes. "As we forgive those who trespass against us." B) If he doesn't, you go ahead and forgive him in a private transaction before God. If he does not forgive you, forgive him in a private transaction before God.

C) Pray for him. Opposition will be melted as you pray for him. D) And this is probably the toughest thing of all-Ask for grace to treat him as if nothing had ever happened. Ask for grace to treat that person as if nothing had ever happened.

When I had a very, very painful situation with a family member, God reminded me that what I needed to do was to stand with Christ for her, instead of with His adversary against her. Ask for grace to treat her or him as if nothing had ever happened. Forgive that person, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.

What relief! What peace! "Oh, what peace we often forfeit; oh, what needless pain we bear, all because we"-and we could put in here, "have not forgiven somebody." It says in the hymn, "All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer." I trust that there will be some today who will be relieved of that crushing burden. Go to the foot of the cross. It's amazing how things look so much simpler and so much quieter when we go to the foot of the cross. Thank you and God bless you.

Lisa Barry: There is something so powerful about doing the right thing. It doesn't always feel right as we think about it ahead of time, but once you go ahead and obey God, there is a peace and assurance that it was the right thing to do. I hope you've found wisdom to apply to your situation today. If you'd like to learn more about spiritual discipline, then let me suggest Elisabeth's book, DISCIPLINE: THE GLAD SURRENDER. It will provide the challenge you're looking for in your spiritual life.

The cost is $11.50. You can purchase it by sending that amount, along with your request, to Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501. Or you can call toll-free: 1-800-759-4JOY. Well, have you found us online yet? You'll find everything there is to know about Gateway To Joy on our Web site. That address is www.gatewaytojoy.org.

Tomorrow Elisabeth answers questions from the audience, so I hope you'll join us then for another Gateway To Joy.