Elisabeth Elliot: A vow is a vow, not to be broken. But it's happening. It's happening everywhere we turn. I daresay that very few of my listeners would be able to say that there has not been a divorce among even your relatives. And it has happened in my family, my extended family, as well.

Lisa Barry: Divorce. It hurts everyone. It scars everyone. And yet more and more people seem to think it's the only way to solve their problems. But does it really solve any problems or does it just cause new ones and more painful ones? Everyone seems to be excited about the wedding, the party and the presents. But when it comes to the marriage vows, are they only mood creators in a ceremony? Are they something to be endured while waiting for the festivities to begin?

Today Elisabeth Elliot talks about the dangers of taking a vow made to God too lightly. Divorce is our subject today and all this week here on Gateway To Joy. And now, here's Elisabeth Elliot to get us started.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love." That's what the Bible says. "And underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, talking about a subject which comes in every batch of mail-the subject of divorce. Of course, I'm talking about divorce among Christians-people who have stood before God and witnesses and made solemn vows, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us do part.

A vow is vow, not to be broken. But it's happening. It's happening everywhere we turn. I daresay that very few of my listeners would be able to say that there has not been a divorce among even your relatives. It has happened in my family, my extended family, as well.

Not too long ago I was stunned to hear about the divorce of a man who had, what I thought, was an ideal family. They just seemed to be so beautifully matched, he and his wife, and they had several children. I wrote, asking him to call, hoping that maybe I could talk to him a little bit. But of course, no call came.

I know how it is when you try to sit down with someone and talk them out of a decision of this nature that they have already made up their minds very firmly to do. Probably the first thing that they're going to say is, "Wait a minute. You don't know the whole story." In my case, of course that was true. I did not know the whole story. There was much on each side that I knew nothing about.

But I did know that they had taken these vows. Those who go for divorce are, shall we say, children of this generation. You can do your own thing. You can do what feels good. Back in the 60's, we were told that the rules don't apply anymore. You can make up your own and you don't have to do what anybody else tells you to do. You do your own thing.

People are declaring their independence of what they choose to call "other people's morality." "What right do they have to tell me what to do? I have to do what's right for me," they whine, as though selfishness may be destructive for one man and constructive for another; as though putting the happiness of another before your own really need not be a part of the marriage contract at this time.

"You have your freedom," I said to this man, "but it is only a manner of speaking. There is no freedom anywhere in the universe, apart from the freedom we were created for in the very beginning-to glorify God. I'm not telling you anything that you have not grown up knowing. You know also that the choices in life resolve themselves ultimately to this one-God or self. You're searching for some place in God's world where you need not face so stark a choice. You will never find it. You have supposed that you can elect to stop being a husband and a father. It's like saying, 'Stop the world. I want to get off.' The truth is that you and your wife," or you and your husband, depending on whether I'm talking to a man or a woman, "made that promise and you became one flesh.

The Bible makes it very clear that the marriage act makes you one flesh. Divorce papers don't undo that. You have had children. Abandoning them does not absolve you from the responsibility of fatherhood or motherhood. Your children will always be yours and they will always know that you discarded them.

I have no idea what the legal arrangements are in any given case, whether there are visiting rights or whatever, but those are nothing more than legal arrangements. The cold fact stands that you rejected the gift of fatherhood or motherhood, along with the gift of being a husband or a wife."

I've had some amazing letters from people who have changed their minds. Here's one of them. "During the summer of 1993, I started listening to your program. Although I don't get to hear it as often as I'd like, I enjoy it. Your broadcast was used by the Lord to specifically try to deter me from doing something which went against God's Word. I got so upset at what you were saying that I ripped the earphones from my ears and threw them down, saying to myself, 'She's not talking to me, so I'll do this anyway.'

Well, you may not have been talking to me, but God was speaking to me through your lips and your broadcast and I refused to listen, saying you didn't know what you were talking about and you must be wrong. I don't know the date," she says, "but it was toward the end of August. I was seriously considering a divorce from my husband, although I was preaching the Word to a friend of mine and telling her that God hates divorce. I also told her to pray and trust God with her marriage, but not to get a divorce.

I was later embarrassed to tears to tell her I wasn't practicing what I preached. I wanted to truly devastate my husband for past hurts that I refused to pray about and ask forgiveness in my heart. I knew a divorce would truly knock him off his feet. He runs away every time we have to discuss paying our debts. I got tired of it and decided to divorce him, against my daughter's wishes. I told her, 'If God doesn't want this divorce, He will stop me before it happens.'"

Now that's an interesting line of reasoning, isn't it? Very confused line of thought. God didn't stop Adam and Eve from eating the fruit in the Garden, did He? She says, "If God doesn't want this divorce, He will stop me before it happens." Well, of course He could do it, but God doesn't often refuse us the freedom of our will. He does not invade that realm which He gave us the privilege of making choices for or against Him.

"So we went to a lawyer and after a brief introduction he told me he couldn't represent me because an associate lawyer represented my husband in a completely different issue. I hung my head and headed out the door, telling my daughter that God really must not want me to get a divorce. My daughter was thrilled. Mom was going to listen and obey God. Not so.

The next morning I was bound and determined to file for a divorce. I told myself, 'God will forgive me. It will be okay.' Then your program came on and you said during your introduction, 'Are you considering doing something that goes against God's Word? Are you asking yourself if God will forgive you? Well, yes, He will.'" That's the end of the quotation from me.

My letter writer says, "I thought, 'Great. I can get the divorce and everything will be okay.' Then your very next breath said, 'But don't do it.' You proceeded to tell all the repercussions that would follow deliberately walking in disobedience. You said one would fall out of fellowship, and I knew that couldn't happen to me. Since I didn't like hearing what you had to say, I tore the earphones from my head and told myself that Elisabeth Elliot is wrong.

So off to the divorce court I went, and not only did it kill my husband, who says I kicked the bucket out from under his life, my daughter is very upset with me. Most of all, I realized that I love him and I hurt myself more than anyone ever has hurt me before. My husband says he'll never come home. He won't read his Bible or pray, and I quit going to church. I tried to go, but when the first hymn was sung, I rushed from the church in tears.

Oh, how right you are, which brings me back to the summer of 1993, when you read a letter from a woman who got a divorce after it was suggested to her by, I believe, a Christian counselor. After she did this, she wanted her marriage back, but the husband refused. She prayed and asked God to forgive her. By the grace of God, her marriage was restored.

You mentioned in today's program that you would like to hear whether anyone has been blessed by your show. I almost was, but I refused to listen. Now I need to know if it's too late to heal the marriage and all the broken hearts that were involved. The hearts include a man, a woman, five boys, one daughter, and two grandchildren with a third on the way."

Let me go back to the young man whom I had written to, hoping that I could dissuade him from divorcing his wife. I wrote this: "You are in the military service now. Things might get tough there, too. But I would imagine you were sworn in. You pledged your word to serve, to obey the rules, to be loyal. Have we, the citizens of the United States, any reason to expect you to keep your word, if you find after a while that you've changed, that circumstances have changed, that things were not exactly what you bargained for? Will you confront those difficulties by breaking the promises you swore to keep? Is your word to your country worth any more than your word to God or to the witnesses before whom you plighted your troth to that lady?"

May God give you strength today to give up your right to yourself and take up the cross of Jesus Christ and follow Him.

Lisa Barry: If the things you've heard today have struck a chord in you, then I strongly encourage you to purchase a copy of this series for yourself. Divorce is such a serious issue with very permanent ramifications. Because of that, it merits a great deal of thought. The title of this series is DIVORCE and the cost is $7.

You can send that, along with your request, to Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501. Or you can call toll-free: 1-800-759-4JOY. That's 1-800-759-4569. Our Internet ministry address is gatewaytojoy.org. Right now we're featuring excerpts from Elisabeth's book ON ASKING GOD WHY. If that's a question you're asking a lot these days, then come on-line and read a portion for yourself. Again, our Internet address is gatewaytojoy.org. Gateway To Joy has been a production of Back to the Bible.

We'll hear about two lives touched deeply by divorce tomorrow, so I hope you'll join us then for the next Gateway To Joy.