Elisabeth Elliot: A woman said to me one time, "I'm not ready to forgive that person until I can mean the words." And I questioned her about that, and it really appeared that what she was saying was, "I'm not ready to forgive that person until I feel good about it."

Lisa Barry: I think we have all heard rationale like that, haven't we. Somewhere we got the notion that God expects us to be free of anger or resentment before we can forgive someone. That's why we feel so defeated when we've voiced forgiveness in a prayer, only to find those bitter feelings infecting our thoughts shortly afterward.

Today on Gateway To Joy, Elisabeth Elliot explains what God asks of us when it comes time to forgive. Let's get started.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love." That's what the Bible says, "and underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, continuing a talk today on "Forgiveness."

No doubt there's more than one person listening to me today who is saying, "Elisabeth, there is no way that I can ever forgive what so-and-so did to me." Did someone go off with your husband or did someone go off with your wife? Or did your business partner embezzle everything and ruin you financially? I don't know what your particular reason for feeling that you cannot possibly forgive might be, but I want to read you a poem from Amy Carmichael:

A woman said to me one time, "I'm not ready to forgive that person until I can mean the words." And I questioned her about that, and it really appeared that what she was saying was, "I'm not ready to forgive that person until I feel good about it."

Well, take it from me, you're not very likely to feel good about something that hurt you. But I can tell you that there is freedom, there is release from those feelings of bitterness at the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ. Take your burdens to the Lord and leave them there. Lay down your desire for vindication, for apologies, for your right to be in the right. Lay down your desire for the pleasure of another person's humiliation.

Am I ringing any bells out there? Have you ever felt a secret pleasure from another person's humiliation? Lay down that desire and lay down your will at the foot of the cross. "He that willeth to do My will," Jesus said, "shall know" (John 7:17).

And another poem:

(D. M. M'Intyre, The Hidden Life of Prayer)

And Jean Nicolas Grou, who lived in 1731 to 1803, said, "It is when the heavenly fire has departed and the soul is cool again that we discover the real quality of our will." Listen to that again. "It is when the heavenly fire has departed and the soul is cool again that we discover the real quality of our will."

Here's another letter from a man on the subject of forgiveness:

"I would like to send you a small note to answer your letter of January 1998. I am a single-parent father, and I travel a little and every once in a while I get to hear one of your radio broadcasts. I have never given myself completely to God, because I found out that there were things I did not want for Him to let happen to me. And so I backslid and sinned against my Lord.

"Mrs. Elliot, I never knew what grace was. Grace is unmerited favor. But those are not clearly definable words for the common people, so I learned they mean, 'I don't deserve to be forgiven.' I don't deserve to be loved. I don't deserve to live. But He is going to give me another breath of air. I don't deserve to be forgiven, but if I ask, He will forgive me. But I don't deserve it. And I ask myself, Why does He let me live? And there is only one answer, 'God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life' (John 3:16)."

Two choices--perishing, which means hell, and everlasting life. It only comes through grace. "By grace you are saved through faith, and that not by yourselves; but by God Himself" (Eph. 2:8).

"God so loved worldly Christians like me," this man says, "that He gave His only Son to die in my place. And He knew I didn't deserve it. God is always bringing us into circumstances to show us that there is only one kind of love, and that is agape love. And we don't naturally possess it. The only way to get it, the only way for Him to develop it in us, is to place us with what we think or believe is an unlovable, an unforgivable person. And the more we choose to forgive and to love them anyway, though they do not deserve it, then we receive more of His love and we grow in grace. If we choose not to forgive and choose not to love, we receive the opposite spirit--a spirit not of God."

Well, I think that man has certainly learned some crucial lessons--foundational lessons in the Christian life. Never forget the grace of God. Whenever we feel as though we have a legitimate claim against somebody because of the way they have treated us, think of how legitimate God's claim is against us. He could hurl us all into hell in a second. But He loves us, and He loves us with an everlasting love.

Who are you refusing to forgive? I'll give you a simple formula for how to forgive that person who has done something unforgivable. When I say simple, I don't mean easy necessarily. But we start, number one, with receiving grace.

And I love what Corrie ten Boom said. She said, "God casts all your sins into the depths of the sea when you have confessed. And then He puts up a sign, 'No fishing.'" Don't you love it? Once you have confessed your sins and asked forgiveness from God, He throws those sins into the depths of the sea and He puts up a sign, "No fishing." Don't go fishing around, trying to find out whether you really surrendered these things, whether you really forgave. Because of course, our adversary the devil is doing everything he can to confuse us and to remind us, "Aww, do you really think that worked? You know that didn't work." Well, receive God's grace.

The second thing, acknowledge the wrong. Sometimes we try to tell ourselves, "Well, I guess that person didn't really wrong me." And the truth might be that they did. So if that person indeed wronged you, be straightforward with God, acknowledge the wrong, and base your judgment on the Word of God.

Jesus referred to people as swine, hypocrites and vipers. Well, those are pretty tough epithets to pin on people, aren't they? But Jesus was simply telling the straightforward truth. The apostle Paul was not afraid to add in one of his letters, that Alexander the coppersmith had done him much evil (2 Tim. 4:14). Paul also speaks about deserters and traitors, whom he had had to forgive.

So we have to be blunt, up front with God. Was this a real wrong? Am I suffering because of it? Okay, what am I supposed to do?

Point three--after you have first received the grace, secondly acknowledged the wrong--is to lay down all your rights. Someone said, "We are great before men in proportion as we are lowly." "We are great before men in proportion as we are lowly." Jesus said, "If you lose your life for My sake, you will find it" (Matt. 16:25). Forgiveness is the unconditional laying down of the self.

Get rid of your desire for vindication, your desire for the pleasure of another person's humiliation. Don't keep any accounts of evil. Forget about a right to an apology. You may have that right, but the other person may never apologize. That doesn't mean that you're going to go to your grave refusing to forgive. And the laying down of yourself means bringing every thought under obedience to Christ.

And number four, what should I do to or for that person who has wronged me? Three things. If he asks forgiveness, forgive him at once. Jesus taught His disciples to pray, "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" (Matt. 6:12). The second thing is, if he does not ask forgiveness, forgive him anyway in a private transaction with God.

I see that my time is up, and I will continue my talk on forgiveness--two more things to do for that person who has wronged you.

Lisa Barry: I think we'll all be eager to hear those next time. Until then, you might want to consider getting a cassette of this series. Forgiveness is so liberating when it's practiced, and so paralyzing when it's not, that it behooves all of us to give this matter careful attention. I'll tell you how to get that series in just a minute.

But I'd also like to ask you for your prayer support of Gateway To Joy. To the extent that kind people like you pray for this ministry, in that same amount we're able to keep the message of the Gospel loud and clear. Would you stand and be counted today among the people who appreciate what Elisabeth Elliot has been saying for these last 12 1/2 years? Give us a call today and let us know we can count on you.

Our number is 1-800-759-4JOY. We'd also like to express our gratitude for your faithfulness, with a complimentary copy of a leaflet called "As We Forgive Those." Ask about it when you call 1-800-759-4569. Or, if you prefer, you can write to:

Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. That's Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. If you have Internet access, you can reach us at gatewaytojoy.org. Gateway To Joy has been a production of Back to the Bible.

Elisabeth shares more of the formula for forgiveness, so be sure and join us next time for another Gateway To Joy.