Lisa Barry: Have you ever prayed so hard for something that you became convinced it was going to happen? You had faith that could move mountains?certainly more than any old mustard seed. But then all of a sudden, God gave the opposite answer you were looking for. Did it rattle your faith? Did you feel like a fool? Were you convinced that prayer is useless after that? Well, such an event happened to Elisabeth Elliot?s daughter, Valerie Shepard. She was convinced that God was going to heal her stepfather Addison Leitch from cancer. But that wasn?t God?s will for him. Today Elisabeth and Valerie talk about the death of a parent as we begin this Tuesday edition of Gateway to Joy. Here?s Elisabeth.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love." That?s what the Bible says. "And underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, continuing my talk today with my daughter, Valerie Shepard. Val, you were telling us a little bit about your stepfather and my second husband, Addison H. Leitch. It?s a Scottish name. His family came from the southern part of Scotland near the Sterling Castle, I believe.

Valerie Shepard: And he had a brother named Sterling, so those two names "Addison" and "Sterling" always caught my attention. They were such stalwart and good names, it seemed like.

I wanted to tell about when he died of cancer. There was a nine-month period from the time that they discovered he had cancer until he died. I was a freshman in college when he got cancer. When I came home from that spring quarter to be home for the summer, my stepfather had gone down much in his health. He had gone down in weight and he had had chemotherapy and radiation and even surgery. For that summer, he was still in and out of the hospital off and on. But towards the end of that summer, before my sophomore year, he wanted to be home and he wanted to die.

But we of course, along with many friends, had been praying for his healing. I really prayed earnestly for his healing. In fact, during the summer for at least a month, I was up in New Hampshire helping to take care of my niece and nephew. Your brother, Uncle Tom, and his wife asked me to help baby-sit in New Hampshire. It was at least a month that I was gone.

I remember you talking to me on the phone that you thought that he probably was going to die. I remember thinking, "No, he is not. I am determined that we are going to pray for healing and that he will be healed."

Elisabeth Elliot: You put a little note on my pillow that you had written yourself. You drew little flowers around the edge of it and said, "Hope in the Lord." I still have that little card.

Valerie Shepard: And I really believed that the Lord would heal him. We had a couple of friends who would come over and almost preach to my stepfather about how he needed to believe that he would be healed.

Elisabeth Elliot: Yes. His son-in-law made a special trip to tell him that he believed that God had given him a word of knowledge that he was to be healed. Other people told him that if he had enough faith that he would be healed. He called for the elders of the church, which of course is a scriptural injunction. They came and they prayed over him. Billy Graham came to see him. He had known him for many years before that.

Valerie Shepard: So my lesson of faith was that it was interesting how the Lord helped me to see that the Lord is in charge of when He takes someone and when He heals someone. But through that summer, as I said, I was determined that we would see healing and prayed earnestly for that.

Then I was saying good-bye to him on a Friday, to leave either early Saturday morning or that afternoon to go to Wheaton. I was going to drive. It took two full days of driving. I went in to say good-bye to him. He was in his bedroom. I said, "Daddy, I really believe that the next time I see you, I will see you healed." He looked at me with a shake of his head and said, "No, I don?t think you will." I said, "Well, I do," very confidently and cheerfully. I said, "I?ll see you again." I gave him a hug and a kiss good-bye.

I went to Wheaton and took the two days of driving there and Monday started classes. Monday night you called to say that he had died. It was instantly a flood of this assurance in my mind and heart that God knew what He was doing and that I had demanded something of what I wanted. I didn?t know of the phrase "name it and claim it," but I did know that we could ask in faith believing and we would receive. I realized that God was teaching me right there and then that I needed to ask for His glory to be made known in any prayer request. I needed to want what He wanted and that there was nothing wrong with making a request for healing, but that I also needed to have the attitude of "Lord, I accept whatever You decide."

So when he actually did die, and that evening I was contemplating this?that the Lord didn?t heal him. He didn?t answer my prayers and many other people?s prayers, but the Lord did show me that He knew what was best for him and for us. That was a big lesson of faith for me. I remember not necessarily thinking to myself, "Wow! I?ve made a big step of understanding here," but as I look back and even that year I thought back over how I had learned?God was in charge and we couldn?t demand what we wanted from Him.

Even in a "relationship" that I had had with a boy at school in high school, who was also at Wheaton, the very next week or two that was ended finally. I realized again that the Lord knows best for me. I had thought and hoped that this relationship would go on and result in marriage, but it didn?t. I was very assured of the Lord?s wisdom and of His providential care of me and of His knowing better than I did what was in my future. Of course, I didn?t realize at the time that that relationship ended, the Lord was also bringing the man into your home whom I was going to marry. And we?ll talk about that another time. But what a lesson of faith the Lord gave me there in accepting my father?s death.

Elisabeth Elliot: Well, you?ve raised some great theological questions, which have always been asked by people. One of the things that I often hear people say is that if you have enough faith, God will do exactly what you?re asking for. You have to have enough faith. If He doesn?t do it, then it?s because your faith failed.

I don?t know what those people do with 2 Corinthians 12, which tells about the thorn that God gave Paul in the flesh. It says in that passage that it was a messenger of Satan, but it also says that it was given to him so that he would not become absurdly conceited. Now who cares whether Paul becomes absurdly conceited? Satan would love to have Paul become conceited. So it?s obviously a combination of God giving Satan the permission to inflict the thorn, but God is still in charge. It was God who gave that thorn to Paul. Because of that we have those wonderful words that we would have missed out on altogether?"My grace is all you need, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

So when people say, "So and so died because he didn?t have enough faith," I have to think, "Well, do they think that Paul didn?t have the thorn removed because he didn?t have enough faith?" To me, that?s just absurd.

But the wonderful thing besides that verse, "My grace is all you need"?that was God?s word to Paul?and then Paul was able to say with immediate acceptance, "Most gladly therefore shall I rather glory in my infirmities, in order that the power of Christ may rest upon me." That should change our whole attitude toward prayer.

Charles Brent, way back in the 1800?s, said, "Prayer is not so much the means whereby God?s will is bent to man?s desires as it is that whereby man?s will is bent to God?s desires." That is exactly the lesson that you have just described.

Valerie Shepard: Do you think that once your husband died, you saw how daily grace was given for the thing that needed to be done for that day? Was that also a lesson for you in your faith?

Elisabeth Elliot: Yes. And of course, it was a lesson that was becoming more and more real to me throughout the ten months of his illness. Because there were times when I would feel as if I cannot go on. I cannot face another day with this screaming and the terrible pain that I had to see before me day by day as I went into my husband?s room. It was then that I began to realize that this was not for nothing. God does know exactly what He is doing, and I only have one day at a time. That?s a piece of advice that I always give to people who say, "I just don?t know how I?m going to go through this." I say, "Well, we don?t have to go through a week from now. We have to go through only today." It?s a case of "Do the next thing."

Valerie Shepard: The Lord?s grace is sufficient for every single thing. We have to be reminded of that, especially when we have something we?re responsible for. We know God?s going to help us, but we do all the worrying and the fretting in the world that?s not necessary, because we think, "Oh, I won?t be able to do this." Yet when the time comes and we are actually doing the preparation for it and then the actual doing of it, we find the grace is there, for the Lord has answered His promise that He will be with us and He will help us.

I know I probably had no idea of the kind of grief you were going through even during my stepfather?s illness and then after he died, because I was at school and of course busy with schoolwork. But I know we often prayed for you and prayed for the Lord?s grace. It comes and it?s there.

Elisabeth Elliot: In full measure. Right. I?ve been talking with my daughter, Valerie Shepard, about my second husband, her stepfather, Addison Leitch.

Lisa Barry: What an emotional time that must have been. And for those of you listening who have lost a loved one, I?m sure it especially hit home for you today. For that reason, you may want to purchase a copy of this series for yourself. The next three days of this series all deal with loss, and then a variety of subjects next week. The title to ask for is A VISIT WITH VALERIE.

And if you?d like a quick way to purchase that, then why not visit our website? You?ll not only find our on-line resource catalog, but many other features as well. The web address is gatewaytojoy.org. Or you can reach us by phone at 1-800-759-4JOY. As always, you can write to Gateway to Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501. Gateway to Joy is a production of Back to the Bible and is supported by friends like you.

Elisabeth and Valerie talk more about their memories of Addison Leitch the next time we meet for Gateway to Joy.