Bob Lepine: Well, okay, so if there are all these godly women, why are these men not getting off the dime?

Elisabeth Elliot: I think they are terrified. I mean there is something awesome about a female and a lot of men will just barge in where angels fear to tread. But a gentlemen is not going to do that.

Lisa Barry: You've just heard a little bit of the interaction that's ahead today on Gateway To Joy. The first voice you heard was that of Bob Lepine who has been visiting with Elisabeth Elliot most of this week. They've covered a variety of topics from raising children to moral purity. But today they're going to talk about a very different topic, how to find a mate or we could call it "Matchmaking." Hey, call it what you want but if you're someone who is single and wish you weren't, today's program is for you. Let's catch the rest of this conversation between Elisabeth, her husband, Lars, and Bob Lepine as we begin this Friday edition of Gateway To Joy.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love." That's what the Bible says, "and underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend, Elisabeth Elliot, talking today with my friend Bob Lepine.

Bob Lepine: Right. I've got an e-mail that a friend of mine sent to me and he didn't know that I was going to being talking with you. But I thought rather than me answer his e-mail, I'd like for you to answer it. He's 38-years-old and he's single and he's frustrated with the fact that he's single. Now, I know that your program reaches women primarily but you have a lot of men who listen, right?

Elisabeth Elliot: Yes.

Bob Lepine: And most 38-year-old single men--if they would look around--there are typically some women who are there wondering why there's not a man for them, right?

Elisabeth Elliot: Yes.

Bob Lepine: He writes and says, "I'm confused about the state of singleness and whether or not it's really a gift." He says, "When you say the state of singleness is a gift from God, then is it wrong for me to be dissatisfied with something that is God's gift?"

How would you answer that?

Elisabeth Elliot: A 38-year-old man, of course, has had all those years to do a whole lot of things that everybody else seems to have been doing and apparently he has managed to keep himself pure. But, my strong advice would be that he ask God to show him a godly woman for a wife. Of course, God wants some men to remain celibate for the rest of their lives, but I don't think I'm one that would be able to pick out someone who should be celibate.

Now, I would want to encourage, we want to do everything we can to encourage young men. In the last 20 years, it seems to me, there have been far more of these 20-year-old and 30-year-old and 40-year-old men who don't know what to do with themselves. The thing that really bothers me now is that when a man gets to be 38-or 40-years old, and decides, "Okay, I really would like to have a wife." Who does he pick? Some 23-year-old. So, there just don't seem to be that many men who would come to some old woman, like me, and say, "How can I find a godly woman?" I would be glad to find him a godly woman.

And I've got all kinds of letters from women that I know are fine, upstanding Christian women who would make great wives.

Bob Lepine: Well, okay, so if there are all these godly women, why are these men not getting off the dime?

Elisabeth Elliot: I think they're terrified. I mean there is something awesome about a female. And a lot of men will just barge in where angels fear to tread, but a gentlemen is not going to do that. And the older they get, the less likely they are to be really looking for a godly person. And so, one of the most important things that I say to them is, "Go to the older people in your church. You must know some old couples in their 50's, 60's, whatever. Ask their advice. Ask them if they know somebody that they think would be a suitable match." The chances are very great that those people can help them with that. And this may sound kind of ridiculous, but there is a sense in which I want to say that it really doesn't make a whole lot of difference who you find, provided it's somebody in the church or somebody that has been recommended to you by somebody else. You don't have to have stars and stripes and all these things going off. But if you just want to pick out maybe two or three young women that you think look like the sort of woman you'd like to have. Go to the older couples in your church and say, "Do you know this lady?"

Now, my father had the privilege of being invited to the home of a very, very wealthy Christian woman. And she made it a practice to invite young people to her home for dinner. And she was, you know, very wealthy and she had a butler and a maid and this kind of thing. So my father was just one of the lucky people that was invited and directly across from the table where he was sitting was this beautiful girl, dark hair and blue eyes. During that meal (he had never seen her before) but during that meal he said to himself, "I'm going to marry that woman." And he didn't have an opportunity to see her until several weeks later. And he saw her walking down the street with a girl, another girl. They were both carrying market baskets and they were doing their shopping.

And he greeted them and said again to himself, "That's the woman I want." In the summer, that same lady had invited a large group of young people to come to her summer home off the coast of Maine. And my father was one of the first few to arrive on the ship, the boat. And so he went down to the dock with this old lady to greet this next bunch of women that were going to come on board, onto the island. And the first person down the gang plank was that lady with the dark hair and the blue eyes. And as she was coming down, he said to himself, "I am going to marry that woman."

And that was on a Friday afternoon and he asked this woman if she would take a walk with him on Saturday. And so she thought, "Well, sure, that's not difficult." So she rounded up everybody and said, "We're all going for a walk. You know, Phil Howard has asked me to go for a walk, so let's all go for a walk. And of course he was just devastated because he was a very shy man, my father only had one eye and that's one reason he was very shy all his life. And so they all went and so my father was in desperate straights because he had to leave by Monday, you know. So Sunday morning he asked if he could take her to church. They were coming back from church at some point and he knew that he didn't have any more time left and so he just said, "Will you marry me?"

There were no preliminaries whatsoever. My mother was stunned. But, she didn't just turn him down and she certainly didn't slap him, but she just said right away, "Well, I can't give you an answer now, but I'll think about." And six weeks later she said, "Yes."

It was that simple. Now there were a bunch of very attractive women there, but why shouldn't a man just zero in on one that he thinks is particularly attractive and go for it.

Bob Lepine: You've suggested two very revolutionary thoughts here. One is congregational matchmaking. That churches get together and start saying, "Here, let's get the two of you together and make matches." Do you think that's how it ought to be?

Elisabeth Elliot: Well, I visualize all the men lining up on one side of the room and all the women lining up on the other side of the room and then you count off 1, 2, 1, 2. Why not? I'm really being semi-serious.

Bob Lepine: It sounds too like your saying, "Everybody just needs to relax a little bit, let your standards down, not get so uptight and marry somebody as long as he loves the Lord and is half-way attractive, go ahead and marry him."

Elisabeth Elliot: Sure. I mean she may look gorgeous to you now, but can you image what she might look like the morning after you are married? You know, her hair--or vise-versa, the same thing with a woman, she thinks this is the most handsome guy in the world and then she sees him looking like a bum.

Bob Lepine: I did hear a pastor one time in the service ask all of the single men who were 25 and older to stand during the morning service. And they all stood up. And then he said, "Now, I want to speak to you young men. What are you waiting around for? Let's get after it." And he started a little revolution there in his congregation as some of these men got a wake-up call from their pastor on a Sunday morning.

I have to ask you Lars, how old were you when you proposed to your wife for the first time.

Lars Gren: I guess I was 40, 39 or something. I forget now.

Bob Lepine: Well, what had you been waiting around for?

Lars Gren: There's a difference between not being able to make up your mind and just sort of floating around from one to the next, to the next, to the next. I've had men come up and say, "I been going with someone for four years." Well, that is ridiculous. I say, if you can't make up your mind in six months or six times out with some young lady, and if there's no interest there, leave her, forget it. The longer you go the less likely it is that you are going to marry her. But the time comes when it's just a fact of commitment.

I had a young fellow that talked to me after one of the times when Elisabeth spoke and he said, "This woman I've been going with her for two years. What should I do?"

And I said, "Is she the kind of woman that you'd like to have for a wife?"

"Yes."

Would she be good with a family?"

"Yes."

"What about her family?" I went down the list. And I said, "What are waiting for?"

And he said, "I don't know how she feels about me."

Well, I thought here she's been going with a man for two years, that should give him a clue. So I said to him, I said, "There's a very simple way to find out how a woman feels about you."

He said, "Really, what's that?"

I said, "You make one statement and you ask a question." I said, "You say, 'I love you, will you marry me?' Guaranteed you will find out how she feels about you."

He said, "Oh, really?" I don't know whatever happened to him.

Bob Lepine: Elisabeth are men just that naive today? Are they more scared of commitment than men in previous generations?

Elisabeth Elliot: Well, yes. And I think that started at the end of 60's and the early part of the 70's when women became completely interchangeable with men. You know, there's no distinction between male and female. And so the women began taking over everything. And I think that is responsible for the terrible things that have happened since then and the difficulties that people have had.

I was thinking of a dear old woman who never married. She was a marvelous wise old lady who lived on Cape Cod and I used to visit her quite often. She would often say, "Betty, dear, we're none of us prize packages. Just look for the essentials and skip the rest."

Lisa Barry: And you know what, that's great advice for married people as well. Concentrate on the essentials and skip the rest.

My thanks go out once again to Bob Lepine of FamilyLife Today who has made these last four days so enjoyable.

One of the books that he referred to a few times this week was The Music Of His Promises. It's full of short reminders of the loving sovereignty of God and is perfect to use as a part of your daily devotion time. Just a couple of paragraphs each day with a fresh thought from Elisabeth Elliot that will point you to the Lord and help you focus on our source of strength. Another benefit is that each portion is a serving size you can easily digest. That doesn't mean it's easy to apply, but if you read one section in the morning, you'll have enough to ponder for the rest of the day.

Something else to ponder is the upcoming change here at Gateway To Joy. As most of you know by now, Gateway To Joy will be ending in late August. Elisabeth Elliot has served so faithfully these last twelve and a half years. Never stopping to ask for a rest. We have all watched a number of circumstances come together that were a clear revelation of God's intervention. For that reason, we come to you with anticipation for what lies ahead. Nancy Leigh DeMoss will be starting a new program in September called Revive Our Hearts. You'll discover quickly that she and Elisabeth are a kindred spirit. And although nothing can ever replace Gateway To Joy or Elisabeth Elliot, we want you to know that we believe that God has chosen Nancy for this. And it's our prayer that you will embrace her just as you have embraced Elisabeth.

For more information about the upcoming changes, stop by our Web site at gatewaytojoy.org. And let me just quickly also remind you of the book, The Music Of His Promises. We are making it available today for a suggested donation of $11 when you call or write to request it. Our toll-free number is 1-800-759-4JOY. That's 24 hours a day, 1-800-759-4569. Or write a letter and send it to:

Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. That's Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. A third option is our Web site and that can be found at gatewaytojoy.org. Gateway To Joy has been a production of Back to the Bible.

Monday, Elisabeth begins a series on forgiveness. So make it a point to join us then for the next Gateway To Joy.