Elisabeth Elliot: I cannot imagine why God gave me three husbands. I thought it was a miracle I got married the first time. I couldn't imagine ever getting married the second time, let alone the third.

Lisa Barry: Doesn't God have a great sense of humor? Or maybe something like that isn't too funny, since you've been waiting for your first husband to show up for a long time now. Today on Gateway To Joy, Elisabeth Elliot continues speaking to an audience in Dallas, Texas about a love that's beyond anything we could ever think or imagine in an earthly way. Let's join her now as she talks about God's love reaching into the life of the lonely. That's Gateway To Joy coming up next.

Elisabeth Elliot: The most important thing for every one of us who wants to walk with God and be a Christian is surrender to Jesus Christ-giving yourself up to Him and just telling the Lord, "Here I am, Lord, all of me for You forever. Do anything You want with me."

It's human nature for us to want to be loved. That's why there is such a thing as a quest for love. I often find when I talk with young people about the mistakes that they have made and when they come to me for advice--forget about dating. Just back off and do a whole lot of praying silently and watching quietly. Be willing to wait on the Lord.

Another thing which I've tried to make pretty clear in my book, QUEST FOR LOVE: Ask advice from older people. Ask them if they think this is a reasonable match. Many a sorrowful marriage would never have happened if those young people had been willing to ask their parents or their pastor or other godly people, "Do you think that this is a sensible match?"

God knows how to lead the right person at the right time together. I want to say to the women whose hearts are breaking because there seem to be so few Christian men, "God wants many women to remain single."

I know that you don't think I really have a right to say that, since I've had three husbands already. When I married Lars Gren, he was a student. He had been a student at the seminary in which my second husband had been a professor. We heard that some of the girls on what we called "the holy hill" heard that Lars was going to marry Elisabeth Elliot Leitch. Their attitude was, "Well, why in the world would the Lord give her three husbands when He has never even given me a date?"

I've been asked that question and I say, "How do I know? I cannot imagine why God gave me three husbands. I thought it was a miracle I got married the first time. I couldn't imagine ever getting married the second time, let alone the third." You can ask Lars. It took him a long time to persuade me. But it was a lot of talking to and saying, "Lord, does this make sense?"

So our stance, our attitude to God, should be that of Mary: "Behold, the handmaiden of the Lord. Let it happen as you say. Do anything You want with me, Lord. Be it unto me according to Thy word."

Please don't put your life on hold. Your life belongs to Jesus Christ and you only have today. Have you got the gift of singleness? Yes. If you are single today, you have the gift of singleness for today. God might change that next week, but that's not your business. And none of us knows that we're going to be here next week. So I want to encourage you to trust God to give you what God knows is best for you, whether it's marriage or not marriage.

I would say I have more letters from women who are married who wish they were not married than I get letters from women who wish they were married when they are not married. So don't get too rosy-colored glasses about the whole thing.

In either case, it will be God's will for you, if you seek His will and trust Him for that. But it is the will of God that you should avoid sexual sin. Sexual sin means any kind of sexual activity outside of the marriage bed. That is the only place in which the Bible tells us God permits sexual activity.

Well, I know those are tough words. I hope that you're tough enough to take them.

The omnipotence of love. I want to read the definitive passage from 1 Corinthians 13. "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." Another translation says, "I am nothing but noise." May God preserve me from being nothing but noise.

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

That verse shows us that you can have sacrifice without love, but you cannot have love without sacrifice. It goes on to say, "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs."

What a temptation that is for us when we are hurt by someone to keep a record of wrongs. Then when that person does something really bad, then you can trot out your record of wrongs and read it off to them. Then you're going to be sure and think of a couple of other things and say, "And another thing." Love keeps no record of wrong.

"Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

It's one thing to love those who love us, Jesus says in Luke 6:32. But what good is that? Anybody loves people who love them. It's when we have to love those who do not love us or who claim to love us but are not treating us in love that God is asking of us what seems to be the impossible. But He has promised to give us the power to love.

Lars and I had not been married for more than a couple of months when, in some way or other which, thank God, I have forgotten, he hurt me. Surprise. Just a few days ago, I was speaking to a group of seminary women and I asked them, "May I see the hands of those of you who made it through your honeymoon without being hurt?" There were two hands that went up. I think there were about 80 people there.

Why is it? We do manage to hurt the one you love. Just before my daughter married my son-in-law, the two of them sat down with me and said, amazingly-imagine my future son-in-law saying this, "Give us some advice." I thought that was wonderful that these young people had that attitude that they were willing to listen to my advice. "Just tell us something about marriage."

So I said right off the bat, "You are going to hurt each other." They both looked at me and their jaws dropped. That would be absolutely impossible! I do get letters from people who tell me they have terrible fights with their fiancés. I cannot even imagine that, because I have to say that never once did we ever have an argument, with any of my three marriages, before marriage.

But somehow or other, something changes after that "I do." I don't know what it is. I don't know exactly why it happens this way, but somehow or other, usually on the honeymoon, it happens.

Well, Lars and I-I don't remember if we had any altercations on the honeymoon, but he hurt me. I was lying in bed that night, as far over on my side as I could get without falling out of the bed. I didn't want him touching me by so much as a fingernail, because it was his fault, wasn't it? I mean, he was the one who hurt me and it was certainly his turn to say, "I'm sorry," because the Bible says, "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath."

So I lay there, stiff as a board, tears running into my ears, waiting for him to say, "I'm sorry." What did I hear? Snore. Absolutely out of sight. Hadn't a thought in his head about apologizing. Just sound asleep.

Well, I was infuriated by that, of course, and wanted to give him a tremendous jab in the ribs. But the Holy Spirit got to me first and said, "You'd better get your attitude sorted out." I got out of bed. I went into another room. I opened my Bible and had this passage. I read this passage.

I'm sure it was the Spirit of God that prompted me to put my name in place of the word "love" in this passage. "Elisabeth is patient. Elisabeth is kind. Elisabeth does not envy. Elisabeth is not rude, is not self-seeking." Of course, it was a screaming farce to be reading that to myself, because none of it was true.

So I had to confess my own sin and my anger and my self-pity, which is demonic. I am absolutely convinced that self-pity comes straight out of the pit. That is what Peter was trying to persuade Jesus to do-to pity Himself, rather than to go on up to Jerusalem where He was going to be crucified. Peter said, "No, that mustn't happen to You." That's why Jesus said, "Get behind Me, Satan," because He would not listen to the voice of His arch enemy, "Save yourself." Jesus said, "He that loseth his life for My sake shall find it."

Whatever the disaster you are convinced is going to take place because you're the one that makes the apology first, you're the one that pours out the love, you're the one who is constantly giving yourself, if you think that by laying down your life in that way it will be disastrous, remember what Jesus said. "He that loseth his life for My sake shall find it."

Lisa Barry: I've lived out that principle many times. I'm sure my husband thinks he has, too. But the fact remains-it works. There's something about going to bed with anger that seems to germinate and spread.

I hope Elisabeth's words have been helpful to you today. In fact, if you'd like to get a copy of this tape series, you can purchase it through Gateway To Joy. Just send $13, along with your request, for the series LOVE THAT'S OUT OF THIS WORLD. Our address is Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501. Or call 1-800-759-4JOY. That's 1-800-759-4569. Don't forget to look us up on the Internet. Our Web ministry address is gatewaytojoy.org. You can get transcripts and lots of other useful information. That address again is gatewaytojoy.org. Gateway To Joy has been a production of Back to the Bible.

Be with us again tomorrow when Elisabeth talks about a few of love's attributes. That's next time on Gateway To Joy.