Elisabeth Elliot: "Any pearls of wisdom you could share from your own experience, if applicable, of taming the tongue?"

Well, it's certainly applicable, and I don't have any tricks or any esoteric suggestions. The most obvious thing is to keep your mouth shut. Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.

Lisa Barry: This is Lisa Barry and you're listening to Gateway To Joy. Our speaker today, and everyday, is Elisabeth Elliot. She's a best-selling author, speaker and radio host. She spends a lot of time on the road speaking primarily to women about a variety of topics from following Christ to child rearing to suffering.

All this week Elisabeth has been at the Billy Graham Conference Center called "The Cove." It was there, she addressed a large group of people challenging them to seek a simpler life. Today, she'll be reading and answering questions from that audience. So get ready for this Friday edition of Gateway To Joy.

Elisabeth Elliot: "I want to say 'hello' to Elisabeth. I have written her a few letters lately and sent her a book, and she's always so kind to reply. I know she must get hundreds of letters and I really appreciate her kind responses. My question is: How does she prefer to be addressed?"

You can just call me "Elisabeth" during this conference. Of course, I am Elisabeth Gren and I am Mrs. Lars Gren. I don't ever want anybody to imagine that I refuse my husband's name. But, of course, Elisabeth Elliot is my pen name. Publishers would take a very dim view of my wanting to change it to Elisabeth Howard Elliot Leitch Gren. So Lars is very gracious, allows me to be called anything. He gets called Mr. Elliot quite often. He says, "I'm Mr. Elliot the Third." But both of us are perfectly willing to be called Elisabeth and Lars anytime you want to address us here.

"Any pearls of wisdom you could share from your own experience, if applicable, of taming the tongue?"

Well, it's certainly applicable, and I don't have any tricks or any esoteric suggestions. The most obvious thing is to keep your mouth shut. Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut. As for anything beyond that, at least if you slow down and shut your mouth first and then think about it and pray about it a little bit, God will help you to tame what needs to be tamed.

"Would you give the meaning of the word 'grace'?"

I believe it is God pouring Himself out in great generosity for you and me. Grace is unmerited favor. God knows we don't deserve it, and God pours out Himself. It is God giving Himself to us.

"What words of wisdom do you have about choosing a mate?"

I don't know whether this is from a man or a woman. Of course, if it's from a woman, my first word would be caution. We are not to go looking for a mate. This is a clear scriptural principle to me, that men are created to be the initiators. Adam was created to be the man, the husband who was to provide for, to protect, to care for, and to husband his wife. Male anatomy is a very clear illustration or proof of the fact that the male is meant to be the initiator. Female anatomy is obviously for reception. We are receptors, receivers, bearers, carriers, nurturers.

God is Himself the initiator. He woos the bride. We, all of us men and women alike, constitute the Bride of Christ. So to me, these are extremely important spiritual principles and mysteries, which we cannot tamper with. I think one of the great wickednesses that has been the result of the feminist movement is the trivialization of the mystery of masculinity and femininity. And I could talk for the rest of the afternoon on this subject, but I would point you to my two books on the subject. I have a book on femininity, which is called Let Me Be a Woman, and a book on masculinity called The Mark of a Man. I've tried to spell these things out in much more detail.

On the same card, "How can you know that a specific person is the one that is God's will for you?"

That of course raises the very broad question of how do we know God's will about anything. I have basic principles that I would suggest to start with if you are in a quandary about anything.

1) Tell God you'll do anything He says, and you are thereby taking the same position that Mary took. She did not know what was going to be entailed by her becoming the mother of the Son of God, but she was at God's orders. Paul says in Romans 12, "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice." So that is the first step. There's no use hammering on God's door for guidance about something if you have not already made up your mind that you're going to do what He says. Why should God guide you if you haven't decided irrevocably to do it? So that's point one.

2) Point two is very simple and very obvious. How in the world would I expect to know the will of God unless I am in constant touch with Him and communion with Him? That involves two very simple practical things, like Bible reading and prayer. I read my Bible in order to receive God's teaching and instruction and correction. I pray in order to talk to God and to listen to what God has to say to me. It is usually both through and in accord with Scriptures that I find the will of God. He will never guide us in any way, which is contrary. We hear some rather breathtaking and foolish things claimed by people who say, "God told me to do this." Well, God tells His people to do very bizarre things, if that's the case.

Anything, which is not in harmony with Scripture is highly suspect. Of course, God's not going to tell you by chapter and verse whether you're supposed to buy that house or quit this job or marry that woman. But He will guide you in ways that will be understandable to you. That's a great comfort to me, because I did a lot of worrying when I was young that I was going to miss the will of God. I was just positive that I would miss the boat, miss the plane, miss the trolley car, miss the bus. Everybody else in the world knows where they're going, except me. It runs in the family. I have a brother who says, "When I dial a prayer, they hang up on me." We're a bunch of worriers in our family.

I can look back now, and see what a terrible waste of time that was. And much worse, it's disobedience. The Bible tells us not to worry. But God has certainly been faithful. It should encourage all of us to remember that the Shepherd is far more interested in getting the sheep where the sheep ought to be than the sheep are in getting there. We may think that that's the supreme desire of our lives. Well, God's not going to let us miss the way if that really is.

"I know this is more of a question of parenting style than anything else, but I'd love to know how you responded when your kids were whining. I seem to be able to handle all my toddler's excesses calmly (well, sort of calmly) except for his whining. Any suggestions?"

That is probably the most difficult thing. My daughter said to me, "I can make my children do their jobs, their chores and their schoolwork. But I cannot make them stop whining or I can't always make them do them cheerfully." Well, she instituted the whining chair, which was in the hall.

When she gathered the children around her and explained, "Anybody that whines or is not cheerful about whatever I'm asking you to do, you will have to sit on that chair for x number of minutes," depending on the age of the child and the offense. Her daughter Christiana, who was then about four or five, she piped up and she said, "Yes, Mama, and I think that if they whine when they're on the chair, then they ought to be spanked."

But there certainly are punishments that you can think of, all sorts of creative ideas. One suggestion that I made to my daughter for the older children, who are too old to be spanked and might welcome sitting on the chair for a couple of hours so they could read a book or something, how about getting child A to do child B's chores? If they were having a squabble about something or whining over something, that would be very humiliating to have to do somebody else's chores plus his own.

"What would you consider a constructive age and format for a child's Bible study outside the home?"

That's certainly a new one. I believe that Bible studies should be primarily taught by the parents in the home, as it was in our family. But I remember that we did have young people's groups. And I remember one church where, I guess I was beyond that age at the time, but my younger brothers went to the younger young people's. We had the old people's group, and the middle-aged people's group, and the young people's group and the younger young people's group, etc.

I would think twelve would be a constructive age. As for the format, I wouldn't know what to say. I would strongly recommend Scripture Union materials, if you're looking for good helps for Bible study and devotional life for all ages. There's everything from a family program to adults, men or women, all the way down to age three. They have different graded programs. Scripture Union is the name of the organization and they do have very excellent materials.

"Any particular book you would recommend giving, besides the Bible, to someone in pain or in a terminal state?"

There are wonderful books on the subject, which are not always available. One that I'm quite sure is available is Amy Carmichael's Rose From Briar, a beautiful book for the ill. Amy Carmichael herself was more or less ill. She was confined to her room for the last twenty years of her life. So she says in her introduction to this book, that this is slightly different from most books for the ill because it's written by the ill for the ill. Rose From Briar is the title.

Modesty should forbid me to mention this, but I have written two books which would be appropriate for someone in pain or in a terminal state. A Path Through Suffering I would give to anyone who is in suffering. The Path of Loneliness I would give to one who has just been bereaved. It starts right out with bereavement. A Path Through Suffering starts out with the problem of cancer.

Lisa Barry: The two books Elisabeth just mentioned A Path Through Suffering and The Path of Loneliness are both books you can get from us at Gateway To Joy. The one by Amy Carmichael we do not have in stock. If you are going through a difficult time right now, I hope the things that Elisabeth has said have been a challenge and a comfort to you.

The book A Path Through Suffering is the kind of book that meets you at the point of your need and shows you how to take a step closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. It won't give you trite little exercises to try to get your mind off your problems, but it will target your fiercest questions. And we all know, in the midst of tragedy we have more questions than we do answers. This is a classic in my opinion. The cost is $14.50, and to purchase a copy you can send that amount along with a note to:

Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. Or, toll-free 1-800-759-4JOY. That's 1-800-759-4569. On the Internet we're at gatewaytojoy.org. Gateway To Joy has been a production of Back to the Bible, but the real thanks goes to those of you who support this ministry with your prayers and gifts.

There's more to come on Monday, so I hope you'll make it a point to join us then when Elisabeth begins week two of "A Simpler Life."