Valerie Shepard: I wanted to be a perfect spiritual mother and I wanted perfectly obedient children. I coveted that. You know, covetousness means loving one thing more than loving God.

Lisa Barry: Is that an area you've struggled with, too? That was the voice of Valerie Shepard, Elisabeth Elliot's daughter. She's touched on an area that we all fight with in some form or another. Maybe it's material things you want or to have your good deeds be noticed by everyone. Most of us have at least one love that threatens our relationship with Christ. But even if we can identify it, can we repent of it? Let's all spend the next 15 minutes doing a little self-examination and see what we come up with. I have a hunch it won't be pretty. Let's join Elisabeth now and get started.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love." That's what the Bible says. "And underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, talking with you today in company with my daughter, Valerie Shepard, on the subject of repentance.

I had a letter from a girl who told me that she had read my book, PASSION AND PURITY, Val. She said, "My boyfriend and I have been sleeping together for two years. We read this book together. All of us a sudden we thought, 'Uh oh. Looks like we're not supposed to be doing what we've been doing.'" But she said, "We don't know what we're supposed to do now."

I thought, "They didn't read that book too carefully, but at least they got the inkling that maybe it wasn't all open and above board." My answer was a very simple one. I wouldn't call it an easy one. But very often our problems are not because we don't understand what God says. Our biggest problems are because we understand it only too well and we don't want to do it. My answer to her of course was, "If you honestly want to be a Christian and walk with God, then you have to repent. What you have been doing is wrong. God does not permit sexual activity outside of the bonds of marriage. So yes, it was wrong. It was sinful. But if you're serious about following Jesus Christ, what you need to do is repent."

The word "repentance" quite literally means to turn around and go the other way. It is a 180-degree turn.

Valerie Shepard: Isaiah 30:15 says, "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength, and you would not." He was talking to the Israelites about how if they would just come back to Him and confess their sins and repent of the way they had complained and grumbled, then He would heal their land. He would give them peace. He would give them a peaceful habitation, and yet they wouldn't because of their stubborn hearts. So repentance means going back to God and acknowledging your sin and agreeing with Him that it was sin and saying then, "Now Lord, I want You to help me not to do it again."

I think for many years I did not realize how much my thought patterns were sinful. I outwardly wanted to be a godly woman. Outwardly, I was showing that I didn't complain or I tried to speak to my children with a gentle voice and I tried to be a good pastor's wife. From the outside, people might have thought that I was doing fine as a Christian.

But I didn't realize that in my thoughts, I was sinning against the Lord by coveting. Now I could say much about serving idols. To connect that coveting with serving idols is that I was wanting one thing above all else. That was that I wanted a perfect family. I wanted to be a perfect spiritual mother and I wanted perfectly obedient children. I coveted that. You know, covetousness means loving one thing more than loving God. We're to love God with our whole hearts, our whole souls, our whole minds, all our strength.

For many, many years, to be a perfect mother and to be gentle and sweet and cheerful and loving and patient and persevering in all these ways-those were my goals. Not that they in themselves were wrong, but they are what I focused on. I loved that. The more I saw myself not being gentle and loving and sweet and the more I saw my children not being obedient and respectful and kind and sweet to each other, the more my idol was not being served.

So God finally was able to open up my eyes to the way my thought patterns would spiral down in sinfulness because I would say, "I don't have obedient children. I'm not the kind of mother I want to be. Therefore, I'm a failure. Therefore, I'm never going to raise godly children. I'm never going to be closer to God." I thought you had to step on a step ladder of perfection towards God. I thought I could never be holy.

God showed me that those were covetous thoughts. Rather than saying, "Lord, I want to love You more than anything else and You will help me, through Your grace and through Your love, to be a loving, patient, kind, sweet mother" and to teach the children what the love of God really means. I think I was so concerned about their being obedient outwardly to show off that we were training our children that I didn't realize how much the love of God needed to pour through my heart towards them, so that they would know and feel His grace.

For example, one morning I was walking along, taking my morning walk. This covetous thought, not even about the children or a perfect family, but this thought flitted through my head. It suddenly dawned on me that that was a covetous thought. I recognize that thought as something that I'd had almost every day for years. It wasn't for a new husband. It wasn't for a new house. But it was just for something that I thought we needed to have. Every time when we didn't get that thing, I would be discouraged and I would be discontented. God says to be content in whatever state we are in.

Well, God showed me then that I had been coveting something that He did not want me to have. If I returned to Him and repented of that, saying, "Lord, I acknowledge that that was covetousness. Forgive me, Lord." I want to start training my thoughts to be captive to Christ so that my thoughts are pleasing to the Lord and that the Holy Spirit is guiding my mind. I finally was able to release that covetous thought or to say, "I'm dead to that sin. I no longer have to let that thought have dominion over my thought patterns," so that I get discouraged or depressed or discontented.

Let me read what 2 Corinthians 10:5,6 and says. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. We will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete." Paul was exhorting the believers to take every thought captive. In other words, to say "no" to the world's way of thinking, to say "no" to our fleshly desires and "yes" to what Christ wants for us.

I knew at that time when I recognized this thought as a covetous thought that I had been very discontented with what God had given me, whether it was wonderful obedient children or whether it was the kind of husband I thought I had married, I had been discontented. He showed me that instead of wishing for those things, I should be thankful for what He had given me and to say to myself in my thought life, "I am thankful and I am content and I will be content. I choose to be content. I choose to obey God," whenever I find my mind going that way.

Elisabeth Elliot: So you were choosing to bring that covetous thought under the lordship of Jesus Christ. That's a simple act of faith, isn't it?

Valerie Shepard: Right. We have to walk by faith rather than by sight. Another example would be that I began to worry about son Walter, who is our oldest. He began to grow long hair when he was 13 and 14. I began to get anxious and worried that he was not going to turn out to be the kind of son I wanted to have, especially in looks.

Well, God convicted me that my anxiety had been the focus of my thoughts rather than thanking God for Walter and trusting God for his looks. I remember the time when I actually repented, recognized that it was sin to be anxious and fearful, and to say, "Lord, I trust You will help me now to turn away from that and to start looking at my son with love instead of with worry or with fear." I remember my frowns getting worse and worse the more I saw him. God in a way said to me, "You must love your son and be gracious to him and smile at him more. Give him more hugs." He has helped me to do that.

Elisabeth Elliot: So you just chose to love him and to let him know that you loved him, but it is a willed choice. That's one of the things that I think people find most difficult-is to act against their inclinations, which are mere emotion and personal preference. God will give us the strength to will to do His will, but He has given us the power to choose. We do not have to do His will. He is not going to invade that freedom that He has created us with. So it's something we have to remind ourselves of again and again. It doesn't make any difference how we feel about the long hair or whatever it is. What does God think of my attitude? How can I choose a right attitude? Before I can choose a right attitude, I have to do just what you've been talking about-repent of the wrong attitude.

Valerie Shepard: I think repentance, if it's a continual, daily thing, is going to bring us to trust in Christ alone more and more for our salvation rather than trusting in ourselves and what we can do to get us "closer to God." Then that trusting in Him brings us and causes us to depend on Him for the power to love and to obey and to do the things He wants us to do. When we start being obedient, He gives us more and more joy. He said, "I pray for you that your joy may be made full." Then the more joy we have, the more we can be restful and peaceful in Him because we know it's His power that enables us to do His work.

Elisabeth Elliot: Yes. We're going to have to close, Val. I want to give Psalm 56:3, which sort of ties up the things you've been saying. The psalmist says, "Nevertheless, although I am sometimes afraid, yet I put my trust in Thee."

Lisa Barry: Are recent memories flashing across your mind, like mine are? Times when I dishonored my husband in a similar way. If Val's words have uncovered an area that needs examination in your own life, I hope that you will give it careful consideration. In fact, you might want to get a copy of this series for yourself to solidify something of significance. The title is PREPARING FOR THE NEW YEAR and the cost is $7.

You can send that, along with your request, to Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501. Or call toll-free: 1-800-759-4JOY. That's 1-800-759-4569. Don't forget to check out our newly redesigned Web page at gatewaytojoy.org. Gateway To Joy has been a production of Back to the Bible.

Be sure and join us tomorrow when Valerie explains in a practical way what repentance isn't. Find out more next time on Gateway To Joy.