Elisabeth Elliot: "I do not believe that dating is sinful. Some people have sinned as a result of dating, but I don't think anyone can accurately say that dating in and of itself is a sinful activity. I view dating in a similar light as I view fast-food restaurants. It's not wrong to eat there, but something far better is available."

Lisa Barry: Those are wise words taken from the book, I KISSED DATING GOODBYE. You might assume such a book would be written by an old married person who didn't have to worry about dating anymore. But on the contrary, it was written by a 21-year-old single guy. All this week on Gateway To Joy, Elisabeth Elliot is asking the question, "Why date?" Why adapt to a system that is doing as much harm to people as it is good? You might think such a question is ludicrous. But before you throw the baby out with the bath water, take 15 minutes out to listen to another alternative next on Gateway To Joy.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love." That's what the Bible says. "And underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, reading again today from a book called I KISSED DATING GOODBYE by Joshua Harris.

I want to whet your appetite. Did you know that that word "whet" is spelled "W-H-E-T"? I think most people think it's just the same old word, "wet." But whet means to awaken, to arouse your appetite. So I want to whet your appetite so you will want to get this book. You can get it through Gateway To Joy. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE.

In his introduction, this is what Josh says. "I hope you're not one of those love 'em and leave 'em types who read to the third chapter of a book and then dump it. If you are, you probably won't get much out of this one. As with a meaningful relationship, reading this book requires a certain level of commitment, a commitment to think hard and wrestle with ideas that will challenge your present views of dating.

Many wise people say that honesty is the best policy in any relationship. So before you 'get serious' with this book, you need to understand one thing. This book is not like other books on dating. Most other books will tell you how to fix dating to make it work for you. This book tells you how to break up with dating so your life works for God. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE is about the reasons and ways to leave behind the world's lifestyle of dating.

Do you still want to go out? Maybe you're feeling a little nervous. Kiss dating goodbye? Why would anyone choose not to date? How do you get married if you don't date? And what about friendships? Get a life, buddy!

I understand your hesitation and we'll discuss all those things later in the book. But I want to state clearly what I am not going to say about dating. I don't want you to spend your time worrying about what I might be implying. If you do, you'll miss the positive points and principles I intend to present. I know this can happen, because I've done it myself.

When I was 16 and in the middle of a two-year dating relationship, Mom gave me a copy of"-I wonder if any of my radio listeners might guess what his mom gave him a copy of. You guessed it. Elisabeth Elliot's book, PASSION AND PURITY. "I was immediately suspicious. Why? First, because my mom gave it to me. Giving me a book is my mom's not-so-subtle way of telling me I've got a problem. Besides that, I was worried about the implications of the subtitle, which read, 'Bringing Your Love Life Under the Authority of God.' I was sure it was going to tell me that I wasn't allowed to kiss my girlfriend, something I thought very vital to my continued happiness at the time.

So what did I do? I determined before I'd even cracked the cover that I would disagree with everything the book had to say. As my mom likes to joke, I read all the passion, but skipped all the purity. What a mistake!

Not long ago I reread PASSION AND PURITY and realized that had I been more open-minded at the time, I could have benefited greatly from its message in the midst of my high-school dating relationship. Why had it seemed so irrelevant? Why didn't I learn from it at the time? Because I had decided from the beginning that I wouldn't listen.

I hope you won't make the same mistake with this book. If you can remain open to this book's message, it may be exactly what you need to hear right now. To help you let down some of the defenses you may already have put up, let me make a couple of statements that should dispel two of the most common fears people have when I talk about giving up typical dating.

Number one, I do not believe that dating is sinful. Some people have sinned as a result of dating, but I don't think anyone can accurately say that dating in and of itself is a sinful activity. I view dating in a similar light as I view fast-food restaurants. It's not wrong to eat there, but something far better is available. As we'll see, God wants us to seek the best in everything, including our romantic relationships. As Christians, we're too often guilty of making do with the world's model for relationships and missing God's best.

Number two, rejecting typical dating does not mean that you'll never spend time alone with a guy or girl. There's a difference between the act of going on a date and dating as a way of thinking about and approaching romantic relationships. If dating were merely a guy and girl going out for coffee, we wouldn't need to spend a whole book talking about it, would we? But dating is more than that. It's a lifestyle that involves our attitudes and values. I want to encourage you to examine these patterns of thinking and acting. I won't say that it's never appropriate to spend time alone with someone. At the right time in a relationship, if the motive is clear and the setting avoids temptation, going on a date can be healthy."

There's a book called SPIRITUAL COMBAT written hundreds of years ago. I'm going to try to translate a little bit of it, since the English might be a little far out for your ears. "The cunning and malicious serpent"-that's Satan, of course-"fails not to tempt us by his artifices, even by means of the very virtues we have acquired; that, leading us to regard them and ourselves with complacency, they may become our ruin; exalting us on high that we may fall into the sin of pride and vainglory. To preserve thyself from this danger, choose for thy battlefield the safe and level ground of a true and deep conviction of thine own nothingness; that thou art nothing, that thou knowest nothing, that thou canst do nothing, and hast nothing but misery and sin and deservest nothing but eternal damnation."

I think that I promised you I was sort of going to bring that up to date in English. I didn't do that, did I? But I hope you were smart enough to hear it. The writer is referring to the enemy of our souls, whose name is Satan or the devil. He calls him the cunning and malicious serpent, who tempts us by his tricks, persuades us to think that we're okay. We aren't nearly so bad as others, and we then fall into the sin of pride. Pride is the worst sin in the world.

That's the way sin began in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve in their pride lifted themselves up against God, decided that God was trying to cheat them of the one thing that would make them happy, and so they decided to declare their independence. It was a declaration of independence when they went ahead and ate the fruit that God had forbidden them to eat. Did God forbid them to eat it because He hated them, because He wanted to make them miserable? Far from it. He forbade it for the same reason that a mother forbids her little child to touch the hot stove or to play in the street, because it would destroy them.

"To preserve yourself from this danger," says Scupoli, "choose for your battlefield the safe and level ground of a true and deep conviction of your own nothingness." Now do you like that? Who does? But it's the truth of God.

Well, the truth of God is the truth. Scupoli says you know nothing, you can do nothing, you have nothing but misery and sin, and you deserve only one thing-to go to hell. I say, "Whew! How many know that's the truth?"

Let me read to you from Luke 12:4,5. "I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear. Fear him who after killing the body has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him." Who is it that has power to throw you into hell? It's only God.

"In order to comprehend the frightening fact of our own helplessness-that we are nothing." The old song says, "You're nobody till somebody loves you." But I'm here to tell you that Jesus loves you more than your parents, more than your friends, yes, and even more than your significant other. In order to understand clearly that in ourselves we are worthless, God loves us with an everlasting love and He pours out His grace on those who receive Him. I am nothing. I did not exist throughout most of human history. I came into being because God brought me. He cares for me. He sustains me. What good could any of us have done without grace? We need His help.

I hope that you young people who are dating will be willing to hear a young man's very different view of the whole dating scene. It's Josh Harris' book, I KISSED DATING GOODBYE.

Lisa Barry: And we have that book available for you to purchase. If you're a parent, buy it for your kids. If you're a grandparent, get it for your grandkids. Save it for Christmas or a birthday. Do anything, but if you have a teenager, they need to read what this book has to say. I've known so many people who have had lofty ambitions for life and ministry but then got sidetracked because of an out-of-control relationship. This book could prevent a lot of heartache. Again, the title is I KISSED DATING GOODBYE by Josh Harris.

I'd also highly recommend a book written by Elisabeth Elliot called PASSION AND PURITY. It's the love story between Elisabeth and her first husband, Jim Elliot, who was later killed. The cost for each book is $12.

Why not call and order your copy today? The number is toll-free: 1-800-759-4JOY. That's 1-800-759-4569. If you prefer to write, drop us a line at Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501. Our Internet ministry address is gatewaytojoy.org. Gateway To Joy has been a production of Back to the Bible.

Tomorrow Elisabeth shares some responses to the idea of breaking up with dating. Find out more the next time we meet for Gateway To Joy.