Elisabeth Elliot: We are to have the kind of love for each other that God has for us. That's His standard. "Love one another as I have loved you."

Lisa Barry: Wouldn't it be great if our spouses could love us like God does? They would always know our needs; they would always speak in love; and they'd be so sacrificial. Well, what about reciprocating that love? We would have to always know what our husband needed, never speak a harsh or unkind word, and always be willing to give up our plans for theirs. That's a tough bill to fill. Stay tuned as Elisabeth Elliot talks about God's standard of love next on Gateway to Joy.

Elisabeth Elliot: God?s revelation of His nature is love. We know that God is powerful. God is strong. God is omnipotent and omniscient and omnipresent. But none of those things move us so much as the fact that God is love.

When we speak of the love between a husband and wife, we?re speaking of a visible sign of that invisible reality. We are to have the kind of love for each other that God has for us. That?s His standard. "Love one another as I have loved you."

Now how did He love us? By sacrifice. By sacrifice. He goes on loving us by sacrifice. He died once for all on the cross, but every day He suffers with us and for us. Paul speaks of the sufferings of Christ in us. It?s a mystery, isn?t it? He says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love."

We sang that beautiful hymn, "O love that will not let me go." Some of you I?m sure know the story of that hymn. George Matthison was engaged to a young woman when he went blind. When he went blind, she broke the engagement. He then wrote, "O love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee; I give Thee back the life I owe that in Thine ocean depths its flow may richer, fuller be." By surrendering the life I owe, he said, my life will be richer and fuller.

Just this last week on a talk show, to my amazement I saw a couple who have written a book called LIBERATED BY SURRENDER. I thought, "What an unusual title for a book nowadays, and what an unusual subject for a talk show." It was not a Christian talk show. I wrote a book years ago called THE LIBERTY OF OBEDIENCE. This was called LIBERATED BY SURRENDER. But it is a spiritual principle. I didn?t hear anything out of either of them that would indicate that they were Christians, but I didn?t hear anything that would make me think that they couldn?t possibly be. So they had something there, didn?t they? It is this deep mystery of surrender, which gives us freedom.

Obedience to the plan of God leads to joy. God reveals Himself through the commandments. The commandments were not given to put us down and to ruin our fun. God is not leaning over the parapets of heaven trying to find somebody who is having a good time so that He can say, "Cut it out!" He loves us. Like the loving father who says to the child, "Don?t play in the street; don?t touch the hot stove," the little child?s response is "You never let me do anything." Of course, he doesn?t understand the father?s love.

Are we like that? I?m afraid we are. Obedience is my response. God?s love is shown in giving me these commandments. My love is shown by obedience. I grew up in a home where it was very clear that obedience and love were two sides of the same coin. My parents loved us enough to make us obey. They used a method that worked every time. It was about 18 inches long. It was a stick. We knew very well that if we did not obey on the first command, that that would be the next thing.

But we gradually began to learn that it was because they loved us. It takes a while, doesn?t it? Your two-year-old doesn?t believe you when you say, "This hurts me more than it hurts you." He?s not going to believe a word of that. You never believed it when your parents said it to you. But now that you?re parents, you know that that?s true. Obedience is the only root to happiness, to harmony, to freedom, and to our ultimate bliss.

As the Bible clearly says, obedience is the only proof of our love for God. "If you love Me," Jesus said, "sing about it." That?s not what He said. "If you love Me, do what I say. If you love Me, keep My commandments." Love is following the commands of God. "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind and with all thy strength, and thou shalt love thy wife, thou shalt love thy husband, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."

How do I love myself? Well, I don?t always love everything about me, but I sure do give myself a break, don?t I? Give your wife a break. Give your husband a break. God is not the author of confusion. There is no equality or interchangeability, except for those things which are clearly outlined in the Scriptures. When we start introducing political terms into a marriage, we?re in big trouble. Equality, rights, interchangeability?they have no place whatsoever in a place where the law is love. This is not a political entity. It is not the political arena where competition is the rule. It?s companionship, unity, cleaving, love, acceptance.

So love obeys. God has given me these commands. He has given special commands to the husbands, special commands to the wives. The husband does not say, "I will love my wife when she starts submitting to me."

My husband and I had a long relationship with one man who was determined that he did not have to love his wife as Christ loved the Church until she started submitting to him. This couple ended up in divorce. That goes without saying. But we did our very best to try to persuade this man to do what he was supposed to do as a husband. We knew very well some of the wrongs on the wife?s side, but we didn?t have the opportunity to talk with her. We had the opportunity to talk with him.

Every time he would come over, he would start in with another long list of what she?d just done or what she?d not done or what she had said, and it was a very sad story. Our hearts were very sympathetic with this man. We thought she must be a tough lady to live with. We knew her pretty well ourselves and we knew that she was a tough lady--probably not nearly as tough a lady to live with as I am, but very tough.

Anyway, over and over and over again we said to him, "It is your job not to make her obey. There is no place in the Bible that says, ?Husbands, make your wives obey.? It is your job to love her as Christ loved the Church. He didn?t love us when we shaped up." He said, "Yes, but she?" And we said, "Wait! Forget it. We don?t want to hear what she did or what she said. It?s your job." Our obedience must not be contingent.

By the same token, I talk to far more women than I talk to men. They come to me and they say, "But my husband doesn?t love me as Christ loved the Church." I say, "What else is new? Is there a husband in the whole world that has ever loved his wife as Christ loved the Church?" Of course not! We know the command. We also know the great gulf fixed between the ideal that God has set and our performance.

May I see the hands of the husbands here who feel that they have indeed loved their wives perfectly as Christ loved the Church? I see one hand. Would you like to come up and testify? Maybe we should ask your wife if she believes the same thing.

So what have we got here? Have we got wives here who have perfectly submitted to their husbands as the Church is supposed to submit to Christ? Well, it looks to me as though we?ve got a room full of miserable offenders and sinners. Therefore, our obedience can never be contingent on the other person?s.

Why did God give the particular command to wives to submit? Because from the Garden of Eden, it was the temptation?the peculiar temptation of women?to run things, to wear the pants. Why did God give the particular command to husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church? Because it is the particular temptation of men to be the big boss, to grind the woman under his heel, to be insensitive, to let her get away with whatever she wants to get away with, as long as he doesn?t have to take any responsibility for it. God says, "Love your wives."

Each command deals directly with the peculiar temptations of each sex. Each command puts a particular kind of restraint on each sex. Of course the husband is to surrender himself in love, just as Christ surrendered Himself to that death on the cross. He put Himself in the hands of evil men in order to save us. That was His sacrifice.

There are many times when the husband has to lay down his life. He has to lay down his desires. He has to give up that all day Saturday on the golf course, if he is going to be a faithful husband and a faithful father. So our obedience is the proof of our love for God. My submission to my husband is my submission to Jesus Christ.

It says that wives are to submit to their husbands not because they?re smarter, better looking, stronger and more spiritual. Now my husband may be all of those things, but I can tell you one thing he is not?and that is always right. Am I to submit to my husband because he is always right? Do I submit to my husband only when I think he is right? Then there?s no meaning whatsoever in the word "submission," is there? If I agree with him, it?s no problem. Submission means nothing. It?s when I think he is mistaken, it?s when I don?t want to do things his way, that the command hits me right between the eyes.

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." God is going to take responsibility for the results. Most of the time we?re filled with fear. If I do this, this is going to happen. The Lord says, "Trust Me." "Trust and obey, for there is no way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey."

Lisa Barry: All this week we've been sharing segments of a seminar Elisabeth did a while ago called LOVE ACCEPTS. If you?d like a copy of these talks to listen to again, simply ask for the title LOVE ACCEPTS when you write or call. Another thing we?ve made available is the book she mentioned today called THE LIBERTY OF OBEDIENCE. It's not a long book to read, but every page is a challenge.

To purchase either of these items, write to us today at Gateway to Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501. Or call us toll-free at 1-800-759-4JOY. You can also access Gateway to Joy through our Web site at gatewaytojoy.org. Gateway to Joy is a listener-supported production of Back to the Bible.

Monday Elisabeth opens up her family album with some very special guests, so be sure and join us then for another Gateway to Joy.