Lisa Barry: "What's Love Got to Do With It?" There was a song by that name back in the 80's. Do you remember it? The premise of the song was that love was really about physical gratification and not about commitment. Don't worry about ethics--just do whatever you feel like doing with whomever you choose. On the other extreme, we have people avoiding commitment because they're waiting for some groundswell of emotion to "close the sale" as it were.

Today on Gateway To Joy, Elisabeth Elliot addresses that issue by asking the question, "What about love?" I hope you'll stay with us for her answer, next on Gateway To Joy.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love." That's what the Bible says, "and underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, asking the question today, "Is dating necessary?"

Now, what a question. What kind of a question is that in today's world? Don't we all know that it's necessary? Well, I think some of you out there are saying, "Is dating possible? Where are the Christian women who are truly feminine, modest, faithful, and willing to wait for a man to do the initiating? They're not flirting. They're not making themselves in a disgusting way, available." Or, I can imagine that there are some women out there who are saying, "Where are the true men, the godly, masculine men who are still virgins, who seek a virginal wife?"

Alas, if you're one of those who wish with all your heart that you hadn't given away your virginity to the wrong person--that is, to the one to whom you were not bound in marriage--I do want to remind you that Jesus Christ can make you whole. The blood of Jesus Christ cleanses from all sin. He will forgive you. He will not give you back your virginity, anymore than if you lose a leg He will give you back a new leg. But He will give you back your chastity, your purity, if you truly repent.

We've given many talks on that, and I've written the book called Passion and Purity. I can't pass over the possibility that there are those listening to me who regret that they've given away their virginity. But let's go back to the first question, "Is dating necessary?" My answer is, "No." I've got three stories of men and women who waited. Here's the first one:

"During our dating, my husband and I were so committed to not falling, and walking in God's presence, that we often had a chaperone. We spent most of our time on dates at his parents' house, where we knew it would be safe and respectable. God kept us for our 20-month dating period and we enjoy our relationship in marriage so much today. We, too, knew that only God could keep us. Now, as my husband attends Bible school, we prepare for the call that God has placed upon our lives. God is so faithful and so good. Thank you," she says.

Here's another one:

"Our meeting, betrothal and marriage is a long story that I will not go into in detail, but we want you to know that there are still people who support your way of thinking, because it is God's way."

My way of thinking in two words is "total abstinence"--total abstinence from sexual activity until marriage.

She goes on to say:

"Two months after my family and my husband's family met, we found ourselves making plans to get married. After our parents discussed things together first and we all felt perfect peace in our hearts that our union was the Lord's will, Nathan (my husband now) proposed marriage to me. This was the first time we ever acknowledged to each other our love for one another, let alone anything about marriage.

"After we had discerned the Lord's will, we were betrothed and then we began to get to know each other. The reverse order, getting to know one another and then discerning God's will in the relationship, is the more common way and results so often in broken hearts or sad marriages. Emotions can interfere in discerning God's will.

"In our two years of marriage, we have gone through the death of our first child and the total burning of our home due to lightning. But the Lord has also blessed us with a son, now eight months old, and a temporary place to live until we can rebuild this summer. We are so thankful that Jesus is and was the foundation of our marriage and relationship right from the very start.

If He had not been, who knows how our marriage would have stood the tests of those two trials.

"People think that we have had our share of catastrophes, but truly, these are only testings and trials of our faith, not catastrophes. Broken homes, rebellious children, infidelity--these are the real problems and catastrophes and are too common, I'm afraid. Never would we trade all of our 'problems' for one of these. And of course, we can only praise the Lord and acknowledge Him as the one and only reason for our wonderful marriage. How blessed we are to be among those who still have and love their first love."

And then she puts a P.S. "We, too, saved our first kiss for our wedding day, realizing one thing leads to another. We felt bad when we slipped and held hands the week before we were married. Too radical, perhaps? But we'd do the same thing again if we had it to do over."

Thank you so much, Renee, for that testimony.

And one more:

"Dear Elisabeth, I greatly appreciate your stand on biblical principles for women. I'm a young wife of ten months and very happily married. My husband and I did not have a 'normal' dating relationship, but courted primarily through my father, which proved to be quite successful.

"After experiencing dating relationships with other people prior to our courtship, we had both come to the conclusion that modern dating could not be in God's ultimate plan, but that He must have a better way. Thank you for your insights in these areas, which helped me to change my ideas about dating and marriage.

"I am now a busy keeper at home, and we are greatly anticipating children whenever God chooses to send them. We listen to you on WKZM and WKES. Thank you for your ministry. [And she encloses a check for the tape series, "The Shaping of a Christian Family."] Also, we would greatly appreciate any information you may have of resources concerning a biblical approach to birth control." And that's another question altogether, one which I am often asked.

And there are many difficult questions that I am asked, and I don't want to come across as though I think I've got the final answer to all of them, not by a long shot. But I do hope that there are some of you listening to me today who have made up your minds, first of all, to commit yourselves unreservedly to God. Give your life to Him. Present your body as a living sacrifice. Ask Him to help you to preserve that body.

How well I remember that May day in 1948, when Jim and I sat in a park in Wheaton, Illinois, on the grass, facing each other, discussing the stunning announcement that he had made an hour or so before that he loved me. I was graduating. There wasn't much chance that Jim and I were going to see each other again. I lived in New Jersey; he lived in Oregon. I was graduating; he was not. I thought I was going to Africa; he was going to South America. The chances of our seeing each other again seemed to be zero.

But we knew that God could bring us together again. Do you know what Jim said to me then? He said, "I have the body of a man and you have the body of a woman. And frankly, I want you. But I am not going to lay a finger on you, because I have no right to." Now that doesn't sound as though it's wrong to touch somebody, does it? And yet we know that a touch to a certain kind of a person, to the sort of person to whom one is sexually attracted, can be dynamite. And so we chose the safe way, the really safe way.

When we pray, "Lead us not into temptation," does it make sense to walk straight into temptation? I do hope that some of you are listening, who even if you've "blown it," shall we say, will turn around and go the other direction. Ask God to help you, to forgive you, to guide you, to lead you to the right husband or the right wife. And I speak particularly to you men, because you know God made you to be the initiators. God made Eve to be a responder, and God brought Eve to Adam, not Adam to Eve.

When I was a girl, we sang a hymn at home. During all of my growing up years we had hymn singing after breakfast. And one of the hymns that we often sang was:

Ask the Savior to help you,
Comfort, strengthen and keep you;
He is willing to aid you--
He will carry you through.

That hymn, that little Gospel song, has been a great comfort to me in many times of severe temptation.

I offer to you my Savior, Jesus Christ. Will you ask Him to help you? Will you covenant with Him to be obedient in the ways that He wants to lead you? Even those who are listening to me today who are not even thinking of courtship--many of you are already married--there may be some area in which you desperately need God's counsel, rather than anybody else's. He'll give it to you.

Ask the Savior to help you, comfort, strengthen and keep you. He is willing to aid you. He will carry you through.

Lisa Barry: If you're someone who has found it difficult to hand your love life over to God, then I hope you've found reason to rethink that attitude today. This particular program touched a responsive chord when it first aired a few years ago. And because of that, we've included it in "The Best of Gateway To Joy" cassette series. And we're making these tapes available today for a suggested donation of $8 when you call or write to request it.

Our toll-free number is 1-800-759-4JOY. The original series that today's program came from was called "Is Dating Necessary." For information on that, call us at 1-800-759-4JOY. Or, you can drop us a line at:

Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. That's Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, NE 68501. Or on the Web you'll find us at gatewaytojoy.org. Today's program has been a listener-supported production of Back to the Bible.

And finally, I'd like to remind you again about the changes coming for Gateway To Joy in September. Elisabeth Elliot will conclude her programming on August 31st and a new program with Nancy Leigh DeMoss will begin. Nancy has become a real friend of this ministry and I know by the end of the summer you'll feel the same way about her. We'll continue to keep you up to date on the changes ahead. Thank you so much for your prayers and support.

Tomorrow, Elisabeth asks a very interesting question, "Is dating necessary?" Find out more the next time we meet for Gateway To Joy.