Lisa Barry: Do you ever spend time reading over old journals? Reading about our past is often an integral part of the future. Our history is important because it defines who we are, and what kind of a legacy we'll leave for the next generation. Today on Gateway to Joy we're going to look back at one of the key issues that Elisabeth Elliot has always been passionate about, God's design for women and marriage. And here in the studio to join in that discussion are Bob Lepine and Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Bob is from FamilyLife Radio, and Nancy is the speaker on the new program, Revive Our Hearts, which begins next week. Here's Elisabeth to get us started.

Elisabeth Elliot: "You are loved with an everlasting love, " that's what the Bible says, "and underneath are the everlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, talking again today with Bob Lepine.

Bob Lepine: And we have also in the studio with us, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, as we look at women today and the challenges that are before them. I know that coming up for you is a special occasion--your granddaughter, your namesake, right?

Elisabeth Elliot: Yes.

Bob Lepine: Your granddaughter, Elisabeth, is about to become a young wife. And when your daughter, Valerie, was about to become a young wife, you sat down; and did you start writing a letter and it just turned into a book or did you plan it would be a book all along?

Elisabeth Elliot: Well I'm sure I wrote her a number of letters, but I felt very strongly that I needed to write a book because I had been reading so much junk that I thought was really useless stuff. Maybe as Valerie's mother, I need to write a book for her specifically; and that was my wedding present to my daughter. And my publisher was kind enough to make a leather-bound copy of that for my wedding present for her. And it was really just putting down on paper what, undoubtedly, I had learned mostly from my own mother.

My mother had come from a very wealthy family, actually. And they had two maids and a butler so she never had to do any housework until she married my father, who was relatively poor by comparison; and they became missionaries in Belgium. And they lived in a fifth-floor walk-up. My father had to lug all the water up the stairs and all the water back down the stairs after it had been used. And, you know, things were very, very tight, when they were missionaries. And that's where I was born. So it was always in my mind, We don't have anything. And I very much remember the Depression, all of you people here in the studio are way too young to know about that; but I'm very aware of how tight things were. But there was never a word of complaint from my mother, even though she had had to step way down from where she had been; and my father absolutely adored her. So I am blessed beyond anything that anybody could be blessed.

Bob Lepine: Her example was the model for you, not only in being a wife and a mom, but also then in what you passed on to Valerie. Would you change anything today in what you would say to Elisabeth as she heads toward the altar or would you just hand her another leather-bound copy of Let Me Be A Woman and say, "Here, I still believe all of this and more?"

Elisabeth Elliot: Yes, Bob, I think that's exactly what I would be inclined to do, would be to say, "I think I've told you everything that I would want to say if you and I could sit down as grandmother and granddaughter. You'll find it in my book called, Let Me Be A Woman, because I tried to put down all that I had learned from my mother, and all that I wanted to pass on to your mother, Elisabeth." And I would hope that she would read it eagerly. I think she will.

Bob Lepine: Nancy, you speak to women all across the country, many women who, it doesn't take long after they've gotten married before they're dissatisfied with what they thought was going to bring them great hope, great joy,--now all of a sudden it's a source of pain for them. What happens and what can women do to be back where they want to be in a marriage relationship?

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: You know, I think, Bob, the fact is that whether we're married or single, have children or are childless, at every season of life, if we're trying to find fulfillment and contentment and joy through anything or anyone other than Christ Himself; we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. And so, many women today are trying to find joy through their circumstances, but as Elisabeth has taught so many of us as women--joy is a choice, contentment is a choice.

And it comes as a result of obedience. It comes through abandonment to Christ and surrender to Him. You know our natural flesh tells us, if you let go, if you abandon yourself to the will of God, you're going to be destined to this life that is too rigorous, too hard and unbearable. But the truth is, when we hold on to our lives, when we try to pursue our own happiness as our ultimate objective, we're going to have the truly hard life. Jesus said, "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Come to Me, take my yoke upon you, learn from Me. I am meek and humble in spirit." (Matthew 11:29-30 paraphrased). And that's how you find rest for your souls.

Bob Lepine: You think young women expect too much from marriage today?

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: I don't think it's just young women, I think it's all women and maybe men too. I can't speak for them, but the fact is that we expect too much from life. We expect it to make me happy, we expect it to satisfy me, and the fact is, as believers, it's not about us. It's not about my happiness, my joy, my well-being; it's about the glory of God and the kingdom of Christ. And the only means to real joy and contentment is to make His glory the supreme objective in my life.

Bob Lepine: Elisabeth, I've heard you say that it didn't take long, after you were first married to Jim Elliot, before you realized that it wasn't going to be the perfect experience that maybe you had thought it was going to be for the five and a half years that you corresponded with him and courted him. What was the wake-up call in the first 24 hours for you?

Elisabeth Elliot: Well, I don't know about the 24 hours. We went to a very fancy hotel in Panama, we had a wonderful seven days there. And then we went to visit my brother who was living in Costa Rica at that time.

But I do remember our first home was a tent, a leaky 16-by-16-foot tent that some well-meaning person back in Oregon had given to Jim to take to the wild yonder in South America. And it rained, and it rained, and it rained.

And I will never forget, one night when we had tried to patch all the places that needed to be patched. It was pitch dark, and the rain was pouring down. And Jim had gotten so ill with malaria (almost as soon as we got there) that he had not had time even to dig the trench around the tent. So the water was coming in onto the floor, the bed was sinking down into the mud, and I dropped my pillow into the mud.

And Jim had used up his battery in his flashlight, and we were trying to find where the holes in the roof were dripping from. Well, you can't use a flashlight in a pitch-dark tent to find the holes, it's just not possible. We thought it would be, but it wasn't. And after he had used up his batteries; finally, he grabbed mine (flashlight). You know, at that point, I just, everything fell apart. I screamed at him, I said, "Would you give me back my flashlight!" He said, "Would you shut your mouth!" Then we both just burst out laughing, and we just laughed and laughed and laughed. And, of course, the bed was sinking down further and further into the mud. And the pillows were falling. It was a very miserable night I can assure you, and it went on for a long time after that because he continued to have malaria for, I've forgotten how long.

But I'm sure I'm not talking to very many people today who've had that exact situation, but maybe you've had something much worse and all your childhood and girlhood dreams have burst their bubbles, and it just isn't anything like what you expected it to be.

And I've had a lot of letters from young women like that, who thought that they had learned everything and find out that they're stuck with a plain, old human being--a sinful person, there isn't anything else to marry. And I say that to women all the time, "You've got to remember, whatever you marry, he's a sinner. There isn't anything else to marry."

Bob Lepine: I've also heard you say, I think you've used the picture of a white shirt with a spot on it. You know, how we focus on the spot when it stands out on the white shirt rather than focusing on the white part. A lot of women need to get their eyes off the spot and onto the white part of their husband, don't they?

Elisabeth Elliot: Yes, and as my second husband had said, you know, maybe 80 percent is a good number to thank the Lord for. You can spend the rest of your life picking away at the other 20 percent, and you're not going to reduce it by very much.

Bob Lepine: One of the things, again--I find these wonderful quotes from your book, "The Music of His Promises." Just a real simple statement, you say, "We need to look up and look away from ourselves." And Nancy that's a part of what women, and men for that matter, need to be called to and need to be reminded of--that if our focus is on us, it will lead us to misery, won't it?

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: That's right Bob, and Elisabeth has so reminded us of the importance of examining what is my goal in life. I love that quote I've heard you use a number of times about the wine drunk verses the wine poured out. And that we need to examine and see--what is it that we're really living for, what matters most to us--is it for my own personal pleasure and well-being. Or is it to be poured out, to be spent for the sake of the glory of God, and the sake of others. That's the pathway of love. It is a pathway of the cross, pathway of sacrifice, but it's the pathway to ultimate joy as you have reminded us so many times.

Lisa Barry: And it's those reminders that will ever be imprinted on our minds. There are so many quotes and verses that are stored in my memory, not because I put them there; but because I've heard Elisabeth Elliot say them so many times, they just took up residency. I'm so thankful for that.

Elisabeth Elliot and Nancy Leigh DeMoss represent a legacy of the past and a vision for the future that we believe will create a seamless transition for those of you who have been listening to Gateway to Joy so faithfully over the years.

And even after this final week of programs comes to an end, you'll still be able to find all of Elisabeth Elliot's books, tapes and videos on the Gateway to Joy Web site. That address is: gatewaytojoy.org. You can still call any time, 1-800-759-4JOY. We also have a copy of today's program available on tape. The title to ask for is "A Legacy of Faith." Ask about it when you call 1-800-759-4569.

You can also write to: Gateway To Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501, that's Gateway to Joy, Box 82500, Lincoln, Nebraska, 68501. Gateway To Joy has been a production of Back to the Bible. I'd like to thank Bob Lepine of FamilyLife Radio, and Nancy Leigh DeMoss of Revive Our Hearts for being in the studio with us today. They'll be back again tomorrow as we learn more about the missionary experiences that started Elisabeth's ministry. It's all coming up next time. This is Lisa Barry inviting you to join us then for the next Gateway To Joy.