Accountability Made Simple: Questions Every Mentor Should Ask

This week, we continue our look at discipleship through mentoring, with a focus on

accountability. I realize that many believers are uncomfortable with accountability, but scripture reminds us of this need. It is through iron sharpening iron that we grow (Prov 27:17). We are to challenge each other to live in godliness (Heb 3:12-13), confronting one another when necessary (Matt 18:15-17, Luke 17:3). We are to carry one another’s burdens, including provoking each other to good works (Heb 10:24) and picking each other up when we fall (Gal 6:1-2). 

Here are some principles of mentor accountability questions that are important to me, followed by sample questions to consider:  

First, I see value in both the mentor and the mentee answering the same questions for one another. If I ask questions of my mentee but am unwilling to answer the same questions about myself, I lose credibility in the mentoring relationship. One-sided questioning is not, in my judgment, the best approach to Christian brother-to-brother and sister-to-sister accountability.  

Second, I don’t typically plan set times to ask questions of those I mentor. I did so in years past, but here’s what I learned about myself and others: it’s easy to get everything in order just a few minutes before you know you’ll answer the questions. It’s quite fascinating, actually, how much Bible you can read and how much prayer you can pray in the ten minutes before meeting with your accountability partner!  

For that reason, I generally tell my mentees that I want permission to ask them questions at any time, any place—and, I give them that same permission to ask me questions whenever they want. Being always prepared to answer questions requires always striving to be faithful to the Lord if we want to honor Him with our responses.  

Third, I seldom ask the same questions each time, and I always reserve the right to ask questions not yet on a list. In fact, I usually ask questions in the context of ongoing conversations, and those conversations give rise to other needed questions along the way.  

Here, then, are some questions worth asking. I’ve tried to elaborate on them to explain my thinking behind each question. Even if you don’t use all of them, maybe some will be helpful to you:*  

1. What have you read in the Word this week? 

   I prefer not to ask “yes/no” questions about spiritual disciplines. It’s just easy to say, “Yes, I read the Bible” when you haven’t read regularly or deeply. For that reason, I ask more about content. 

2. What has your prayer life been like this week? 

   Again, I want more than a “yes/no” answer. 

3. Have you shared the gospel with anyone this week – or have you taken steps in that direction? If so, with whom?

   I want to help mentees at least start thinking about doing evangelism if they aren’t quite there yet. I trust I can move them in the right direction with ongoing accountability and equipping.  

4. Who is closer to God this week because of your life? 

   My goal is to remind my mentee that somebody’s paying attention to his life each week. We have the privilege of directing others to God as we live out our faith.  

5. Have you fulfilled your calling to the best of your God-given ability this week? 

   I primarily use this question with mentees called to ministry, but I adjust it to say “fulfilled your vocational responsibilities” for others.  

6. Where have you seen God work in your life this week? 

   This question pushes mentees to watch daily for glimpses of God’s work—a topic I’ve written about elsewhere.  

7. Have you given priority time to your family? 

   Everyone must define “priority time” for himself, but I’ve learned to push back when mentees seem to let themselves off the hook too easily.  

8. How would your spouse and children answer the last question? 

   This follow-up question often catches mentees off guard—but that’s why it’s an important one. It also reminds me to consider how my own wife might answer that question about my “priority time.”  

9. Have you been with a member of the opposite gender anywhere this past week that might be seen as compromising? 

   “Might be seen as compromising” is a reminder that we must always be careful in interactions with others. What we might naively see as innocent can be an ember that leads to a flame.  

10. Is there anyone other than your spouse for whom you are developing feelings? 

    Frankly, I added this question after I missed the signals when a mentee was headed toward an affair.  

11. Have you exposed yourself to any material, including soft-core social media, that’s led to arousal? 

    I don’t want mentees letting themselves “off the hook” simply because they haven’t looked at hard core junk.  

12. What should I ask you about that I haven’t asked yet?

    This question gives the mentee opportunity to bring up things I may not know about yet. And, I can usually tell by facial expressions if there is indeed something else.  

13. Are you hiding anything? If so, what? 

    Again, this question is usually a surprise—but it matters. Hiddenness is usually trouble.   

14. Which of these above areas are you most going to work on this next week – and what’s your plan? 

    Accountability should always include positive plans rather than just negative assessments.  

15. Have you just lied to me about anything? 

    I realize it’s possible, of course, to lie to an accountability partner—which is why I end with this question. 

Accountability is more than simply asking questions; it’s one way to push each other toward growth. So, ask away . . . and be prepared to answer, too!  

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*Some of these questions come from Chuck Colson’s older book, The Body.