Evangelism: 10 Thoughts on Developing Relationships with Non-Believers

As a young believer, I learned from older believers that we were supposed to evangelize lost

people—but do so from a distance so you’re not stained by the relationship. I understand that thinking, especially when we’re not yet spiritually mature enough to fight temptations that might come with those relationships. Godly wisdom is always in order.  

On the other hand, I’m also convinced we miss a lot if we never have genuine relationships with non-believers. So, as we continue this series of articles on evangelism, here’s what I’m learning these days as the Lord deepens my burden for lost people:  

1. Lost people know when we’re treating them as “projects” over against just loving them as people created in God’s image. They’re generally not naïve. They recognize when our friendship with them may not last long if they reject our message. If they know they’re only another “notch in our spiritual belt,” they’ll have little interest in our message.  

2. These relationships remind me just how deeply caught in the bubble of Christianity I have been. My world is sometimes quite narrowly focused on believers, and I can easily get caught in an unhealthy cocoon that limits my access to non-believers. So much have I tried to correct this problem that I wrote a Church Answers e-book a few years ago entitled, Lord, I’m Caught in the Bubble. 

3. These friendships help me to realize the questions non-believers have. I’ve assumed their questions—and I’m learning I often assume wrongly. Sometimes I’ve been answering questions they’re not asking; at other times, I’ve been forced to study and seek answers to questions that surprised me. It’s been good for me to hear their questions directly and then engage them in honest conversation.  

4. I’ve come face-to-face with non-believing doubts about the genuineness of the church. I’ve read about those questions that others have, but that’s different than talking with someone who genuinely thinks the church is hypocritical and judgmental. Those concerns, I’ve learned, are often overstated, but they’re nevertheless real. It’s usually not hard to find someone who is indeed hypocritical and judgmental in the church. Defensiveness on my part has seldom been the best answer.  

5. These friendships have forced me to my knees much more than most relationships with believers. The Lord is increasingly breaking my heart over non-believing friends. I’ve spent more time in prayer and fasting on their behalf in the past few years than I did in many years prior. In fact, these friendships have pushed me back to when I first followed Jesus—and I so desperately wanted others to know Him that I sometimes wept off and on for days.  

6. They’ve also pushed me to rely on the Holy Spirit in the context of a friendship. I’m realizing how sensitive I must be in determining when to listen, when to speak, what to say, how to read eyes and hearts, when to push and when to back off. Those decisions are sometimes moment-by-moment decisions I make in the immediacy of a conversation with a non-believer—and I need the Spirit’s wisdom and guidance. I mess it up when I just charge in without seeking the Spirit’s guidance.  

7. I’ve learned much about myself in these relationships. They’ve tested my willingness to be uncomfortable around people who think, talk, and act differently than I do. They’ve also forced me to ask, “If I really believe what I say I believe about lostness and salvation, won’t that change the way I live? Won’t that lead me to make evangelism a priority?” They’ve pushed me to consider how much I am really willing to give up—including my life—for the sake of others who need Christ. 

8. I’ve sought more prayer support to be evangelistic, and I pray more passionately for non-believers, when I know them. Given all the other things I’ve learned, I recognize how much I need others to pray for me to speak the gospel boldly and clearly while I also watch for opportunities to speak (Eph 6:18-20, Col 4:3-4). With names and faces of non-believers in my mind, I can say with Paul that it’s my heart’s desire and prayer that they be saved (Rom 10:1).  

9. Frankly, I’ve realized that some non-believers are more fun to hang around than some believers are. At least in my experience, many lost people have no pretense about them. They’re honest about their questions and doubts. And, they respect and care for someone who seriously seeks to connect with them, love them, live real faith in front of them, and try to point them to Jesus. I want them to see there’s joy in following Him.  

10. At the end of the day, it’s the proclamation of the gospel that matters. Nothing else I’ve mentioned above matters much if I never get to intentionally telling others the good news. The word of the cross is “the power of God to us who are being saved” (1 Cor 1:18), but how can others believe “without hearing about him” (Rom 10:14)? Evangelism is not only a discipline we must live out as Christ-followers, but it’s also a privilege we have of pointing others to Christ who redeems. My non-believing friends need to hear that truth.