General Guidelines for Mentoring

Over the past several weeks, I’ve been encouraging you to consider investing in the next generation through mentoring. I pray you’ve taken my words to heart and have begun to seek the Lord’s guidance about this task. This week, I want to give you some general guidelines for mentoring others: 

1. Put on the full armor of God yourself (Eph 6:10-17). The apostle Paul told believers that we wrestle against real, supernatural powers that seek to hinder our work and our walk. If you start investing in others, the enemy’s coming after you. In preparation for that battle, you must put on the full armor of God – which, in the context of the book of Ephesians, means you must understand your position in Christ and live out your position through faithful obedience. Be ready, friend, for the battle.  

   
   

2. Pray as you determine the persons in whom you might invest. That’s what Jesus did before He called out the twelve disciples. He prayed all night long, in fact (Luke 6:12). Why does it matter that we pray before we select potential mentees? On one hand, we have only so much time and energy to give to others—so we want to invest in those God calls us to mentor. On the other hand, we’re inclined to choose only people (a) we most like and (b) who are most like us if we choose mentees on our own. As the next point shows, however, God might have other plans.  

   
   

3. Don’t be surprised if God calls you to invest in a knucklehead. Some of Jesus’ disciples were knuckleheads. They didn’t always listen. They didn’t always pay attention. They failed sometimes in ministry. Yet, they also argued among themselves about which one of them was the greatest! Even in failure, they were arrogant. The good news for us is that God specializes in knuckleheads . . . since some of us were/are knuckleheads, too. We’re redeemed knuckleheads who get to invest in other knuckleheads.  

   
   

4. Don’t worry about accusations of having favorites. Jesus Himself had disciples in whom He invested more time. We know He spent specific time with Peter, James, and John. There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing some mentees as the Lord leads you, especially as He knows the plans He has for your mentees. Here’s the best way to deal with accusations of favoritism, though: keep the commitment standards so high for your mentees (like Jesus did) that anyone who is jealous will likely fade away. Expect much from those you invest in.  

   
   

5. Start with the person, not with the program. Find out where your mentee is spiritually and what he or she needs before you plan a strategy. Ask question after question after question simply to get to know your mentee. You not only give people value when you ask about them, but you also can pray for them with more focus as you lead them with intentionality. If you start with the program, you make your mentee a project—and that approach seldom ends well. Start with the person.  

   
   

6. Meet formally and informally. My suggestion is that you meet together at least every other week, perhaps for a formal mentoring session or for simply hanging out together. On the off weeks, I still encourage some kind of contact to stay connected—and so your communication becomes natural and ongoing. My experience is that a mentoring relationship that begins with formality can also quickly become a brother-to-brother, sister-to-sister informal friendship. Do life-on-life with intentionality, allowing your faith to be evident along the way. 

   
   

7. Let the Word and prayer keep your relationship focused on God. I see great value in intentional study and prayer together, but you don’t always have to read intensely and pray powerfully to make a difference. You do, though, have to work to keep God at the center of your relationship. It’s simply too easy to let your guard down as the mentoring relationship becomes more casual—and the discussions you have, the jokes you tell, and the words you use are no longer honoring to God. Don’t let your commitment to God slip into that wrong pattern. Read and pray together. 

   
   

8. Ask hard questions. Good mentoring digs deeply into the soul. Under the power and leadership of the Holy Spirit, it uncovers the secret places where the enemy lurks. The image I use is a personal illustration of a crawlspace problem my wife and I had in our first home. Our house was spotless from the floor up, but the crawlspace was, unbeknownst to us, infested with termites and water damage that threatened the very foundation of our home. As a mentor, I want to know what’s going on the crawlspace of a mentee’s life before any damage occurs. Ask tough questions.  

   
   

9. Don’t just study something – do something. A mentoring relationship that focuses on head knowledge only is not fully discipleship; it’s a tutoring session. Discipleship that stays in the head and is never translated to the feet doesn’t alarm the enemy. Reach out to the hurting. Do evangelism together. Minister to senior adults. Pray together for church leaders. Do a spiritual gifts inventory. Take a hike and pray. Model your faith by what you do as well as by what you teach.  

   
   

10. If your mentee fails, don’t accept defeat. I wish I could say that all my mentees have run the race faithfully to the end. Some mentees fall, however. They break your heart. They make you weep. In fact, sometimes you weep over their sin more than they do over their own. If you leave them on the ground, though, the supernatural enemy we fight against wins. Don’t let that defeat happen—pick up your fallen mentee, help him or her work through repentance and confession, and start walking again together.  

    
    

My final point this week is a simple one: start mentoring someone!