KNOWING YOUR TRUE IDENTITY SETS YOU FREE

By Tina Matras

I have wasted so much time trying to prove that I belong in the room.

My path through adulthood has been far from traditional. Not always by choice. Sometimes life surprises you.

I have been a family caregiver for more than 20 years, leaving little time for anything else, including marriage and family. My parents moved in with me in 2005 after my Dad was severely injured in a car accident. I was barely 30 years old, and, as is often the case, everyone started assuming I lived with them instead of that they lived with me, which was crazy because, before that, I’d lived on my own, doing full time ministry in inner-city Chicago for 10 years!

After Chicago, I had a successful career in Corporate America, and that wasn’t any better. Because I wasn’t married and didn’t have kids, coworkers assumed I held certain beliefs and tried to make me the poster child for female empowerment, which was also crazy because I was very vocal about my faith and traditional values.

At church, they kept trying to force me into home groups. But once you pass your twenties, most churches don’t have ministries for singles. So I was put into group after group of couples. That would have been fine if I weren’t the only single person, but when you are, you’ll end up getting excluded, whether anyone intends to exclude you or not. And it’s just awkward.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy. I have a writing career that I love. I like being a caregiver. Marriage and family will come in time. I’m active in my church, lead Bible studies, and mentor women. I have an amazing family and a tight group of friends.

But sometimes, it’s hard to fit in.

I struggled for many years to find my place. To believe that I belonged.

To not feel the need to prove my value.

You would have never known this about me. I come across as outgoing and comfortable in any situation. But things are very different on the inside.

It wasn’t until I realized that my identity doesn’t come from the roles I hold or anyone else’s opinion or assumptions that I found contentment with the life God has laid out for me.

Just. For. Me.

When we find our worth in others' opinions of us, we become slaves to those opinions, always striving to make sure they’re “good.”

When we place our identity in our roles, what happens when those roles fade away or change? Where does our identity come from, then?

This is something that empty nesters and caregivers struggle with.

So much of what we do revolves around another person. But kids grow up and move out. Loved ones heal or pass away.

Careers end. Businesses close. Health declines. Retirement arrives. Relationships change. Friendships end.

What then?

My mom passed away. I was laid off twice! My dad depends on me daily. When my church changed the way it did Bible studies, I was suddenly done teaching.

When we build our identity on temporary things, we become vulnerable to constant uncertainty. Every change feels like a threat because our sense of self is tied to circumstances that will change.

My roles changed. My identity did not.

Who God says I am is not temporary. It cannot be taken away.

This is my identity: Child of God, forgiven, chosen, alive, a new creation, blessed, dearly loved, masterpiece, redeemed.

Identity based on performance, accolades, titles, roles, or human opinion is exhausting.

Identity in Christ creates freedom.

Paul spoke often about freedom in Christ. And when he said that he learned to be content in every situation (Philippians 4:11), it was because he learned Who the source of contentment is. Not positions. Not titles. Not possessions. Not roles.

Christ. Our relationship with Him is the source of all contentment.

The world says, "find yourself." The Bible tells us that we're already known.

The world tells us to "identify" ourselves. The Bible tells us that our identity is in Christ and His death and resurrection.

The world demands that we prove our worth. The Bible tells us that the cross has already proved our worth.

Tina Matras is a writer, Bible teacher, caregiver, and valued Back to the Bible contributor.

Life is filled with change, and some changes are extremely difficult.

No matter how fulfilling our life is, we experience times of loneliness and loss.

But when my identity is as God’s own possession (1 Peter 2:9), those changes no longer have the power to redefine me because who I am is no longer determined by what I do, who I know, what I own, or what season of life I’m in.

I am free to be who God created me to be.