The Cross We Never Have To Carry

What if following Jesus has cost you nothing this year?

Bottom line upfront: Many of you said daily surrender is required of a Christ follower. I agree. I also have almost no idea what that looks like on an ordinary Tuesday in an air conditioned house with a full refrigerator — and I want to work it out honestly, with you.

No one has ever once caught me saying, “Well, that’s my cross to bear.”

Not because I think I’m above it — far from it. As a new believer, I used to wince every time a more mature Christian used the phrase to describe a minor irritation. A bad knee. A difficult coworker. A slow line. Something that cost them nothing but a little patience. And they called it a cross. Out loud. Like it was nothing.

That’s how thoroughly we’ve domesticated the most violent image in the New Testament. The cross has become an irritation we endure while we wait for it to be over.

A few weeks ago I asked what’s practically required of a Christ follower. Several of you named daily surrender: “Die to myself every morning.” “Take up your cross daily.” It ranked a solid fifth on the list.

I haven’t been able to leave it alone — for two reasons.

First, it’s the only item on the entire list that is a subtraction. Most of the items on the list are additions: more prayer, more Scripture, more obedience, love, service, disciple-making, and gratitude. But surrender is the only one where you lose something. That may be why it ranked fifth instead of first.

Second, I’m not sure most of us know what we mean by it.

So let’s be plain about what the word meant to the people who first heard it. In Matthew 16:24, Jesus says, “‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.’” We also see this statement in Mark 8:34 and Luke 9:23. 

Jesus wasn’t handing out a metaphor for hardship. Everyone listening had watched a condemned man carry a crossbeam through a crowd — publicly, shamefully, in one direction only. When you saw a man carrying his cross, you knew one thing for certain: he was not coming back. His plans, his reputation, his right to run his own life — finished.

But don’t miss the fact that in the Luke account, the author adds one word the other Gospels don’t: “‘If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.’” (Luke 9:23).

Daily. A small, unwitnessed surrender every single day.

I can already hear the alarm going off, and it should. Remember a few weeks ago when many of you told me what happened when the church handed you a list of things to give up? Movies, television, rock music, sewing on Sunday. You gave up plenty, and it produced fear and decades of shame. So am I telling you to go back and give up more?

No. The difference is everything. Legalism asks you to give things up so God will finally accept you. The cross asks you to lay things down because He already has. One is a bill you can never pay. The other is a response you get to make.

So what does surrender actually look like in a life this comfortable? Here’s where I’ve landed, and I’d genuinely like your corrections:

• The right to be right. You have the winning argument ready…but you let it go.

• The last word. The text you type out, read twice…and delete.

• Your calendar. The hour you’d rather keep…given to someone who can’t repay it.

• Your money. At the point where it starts to pinch, not before.

• Your reputation. Letting something untrue said about you stand…because defending it would cost someone else more than it costs you.

• The outcome you’ve been trying to force. The prodigal child, the unanswered prayer…handed over this morning, and again tomorrow.

Notice: nobody applauds any of it. Modern crosses are almost entirely invisible. That’s what makes comfort dangerous. Not that it’s sinful, but that it lets a person go many years without ever once having to choose to give something up.

Here’s the question I’ve been wrestling with: If nothing about following Jesus has cost me anything this year, what exactly have I been carrying? I don’t ask that in an accusatory way. I ask because I want to get to the heart of the problem.

Now those of you over 50, this next part is yours.

You have already buried things. Careers. Spouses. Health. Plans you were certain of at thirty. You know what a thirty-year-old cannot: surrender isn’t theoretical. But here’s the difference between what happened to you and what Jesus is asking — one was taken. This one you get to give. Nobody is more qualified to teach the rest of us how, because you’ve done the involuntary version and survived it.

So here’s my ask this week: Name one specific thing you don’t want to give up. Then lay it down for seven days. Be honest about which one — you already know. Then hit reply and tell me what happened. I’ll read every one.

And if you fail on day two, don’t dramatize it. Begin again on day three. That, too, is surrender.

P.S. This week on Spiritually Fit Today comedian and host of the Alive & Sober with Reno C. podcast Reno Collier joins me to discuss how humility, authentic connection, and carrying each other’s burdens can lead to lasting change—both inside and outside the church.