What are the two biggest days of the year that false narratives rule?

Part Two of Two: False Narratives

Bottom line upfront: Once you've learned to demolish the lies you tell about yourself, you're finally free to face the lie someone else is telling about you—without it destroying you, and without torching the relationship to defend yourself.

Let me answer the question in the subject line before I tell you more. The two days? Father's Day and Mother's Day. Last month we celebrated Mother’s Day, and this Sunday it's the fathers' turn. And, whether you’re a mother or father, you already know: These holidays can sometimes cut deep. They provide a chance for false narratives to take a national stage.

Last week I shared about the conversation I had while in California. One of our kids, in our time of deep sadness the day before the funeral of Char’s dad, told me that Char and I had wounded them badly a decade ago—an event neither of us remember, and we're fairly sure never happened.  And to make things worse, they did not show up at the funeral.

First I boiled, then I stewed on that for a long time.

If that's hitting close to home, hear this: You are not alone. Almost every week I sit with good, faithful, devoted parents like you—replaying decades of memories, desperately searching for the crime. And often there just isn't one. Instead, there's a story, a false narrative the grown child now believes as gospel.

The numbers are staggering. Thirty-eight percent of American adults say they're currently estranged from at least one family member. That’s more than one in three families which carry a fracture. (For step-parents, the rate climbs even higher—around 70% in research samples became estranged after divorce.)

And here's what breaks my heart: When researchers ask estranged parents who ended the relationship, only 13% say they did. 46% say it was their child's choice. Mom and Dad are left holding the unanswered question: What did I do?

That's why these two days hurt so much. The empty chair. The silent phone. The card that never comes. If that's you this weekend, here's what last week's work on internal lies makes possible for external ones.

You can't control what they've written. But you can refuse to let it write you.

1. Decenter it. A false accusation hits like a blow. Your brain screams defend! Instead, step back: This is their story—shaped by their wounds, their fears, their version of events. It is not the final word on who I am. Notice it without swallowing it whole.

2. Frame the narrative. Don't ruminate at 2 a.m. Write the whole thing down as a story—beginning, actions, and a future. Research shows this brings clarity and steadiness far faster than replaying the injustice.

3. Release your defense to God. This is where Scripture holds the weight:

“No weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you… this is their vindication from me,” declares the Lord. —Isaiah 54:17

Every tongue. Every false story. God doesn't promise the weapon won't form—people will write their narratives. He promises it won't prevail. The vindication is His.

Jesus modeled it perfectly: “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” —1 Peter 2:23.

That's not weakness. It's the strongest move a parent can make.

This Father's Day—if there's an empty chair, set down the casserole. Take the accusation captive. Hand it to the God who saw exactly what happened and loves you without condition. Keep the door open. Stay free.

You're not walking this alone. The Kingdom wins when we release what we can't control.

In it, to Kingdom win it —Arnie

P.S. This week on Spiritually Fit Today, Braden Pedersen joins me as we talk about a new spiritual fitness tool that can help you get over those nagging false narratives.