What to Do With the Prodigal Daughter That Identifies as Your Son? Real Families Respond

A Mother’s Heartbreaking Dilemma

Last week, I shared the story of a heartbroken mom struggling to love her transgender child and that child’s disrespectful boyfriend. I asked for your thoughts on how to handle such a situation, and boy, did you respond!

You may recall this story of a heartbroken Christian mom facing one of the toughest tests of her faith. Her youngest daughter had begun identifying as a male—even undergoing a double mastectomy—and had a new boyfriend who openly mocked this mom’s beliefs in her own home. In her words, “he called Charlie Kirk a piece of doo-doo... I told him... it upsets me... and he said it again... When he does that, I get so angry and frustrated... I’ve been praying for help to love him... to forgive him... so that I keep my focus on Christ, and not on the problems of the world”. You can feel the agony in this mother’s voice. The mix of grief, anger, and a yearning to respond like Jesus despite the deep wounds. How do you show Christ’s love in a situation like that? I posed this question to our community of 140,000 Christian readers, and the response was overwhelming.

Heartbroken Families Respond with Love, Boundaries, and Hope

Story after story poured in from parents and grandparents who have walked similar roads of pain and love. One mom shared that for ten years she has practiced “kindness and friendliness toward [her daughter’s partner], invit[ing] her in our home [and] include her in all celebrations & outings even though our hearts break, our values are challenged and every family tradition is upended.” This mother admits she’s not sure if she’s handling it perfectly,. “I honestly don’t know if I’m doing the right thing… But I can’t bring myself to be cruel, or reject her or abandon our daughter.” Despite the confusion, she chose love over estrangement.

Another mom is in nearly the same situation. Her daughter now identifies as a man and has cut off contact because our reader and her husband won’t pretend along. “It has been over a year since she has spoken to me… I still text her ‘I love you’ weekly, not knowing whether she reads them or not,” she wrote. “I would love nothing more than to be in her life again, but I want her to return to how God made her”. You can feel this mother’s broken heart: she refuses to compromise her biblical convictions, but she also refuses to stop loving her child. She’s holding on to hope that someday the relationship will be restored in truth.

I also heard from parents just beginning this journey. Another reader wrote, “I’m a mom in the beginning stages of going down this road… Trying everything I can to steer my daughter the right way in love. This is the hardest thing my husband and I have been through with a child. My heart breaks… We are realizing all we can do is love her, pray for her and continue working on a relationship with her.” In her case, her daughter is still a teen—the mom can see the storm coming (“she is 17 counting down the days to be 18,” she says). You can feel a mom’s desperation in those words: “So hard!!!! I was not prepared for this at all.” And yet, like so many of you, she’s clinging to prayer and refusing to let go of her child, even as she holds to God’s truth.

Another parent echoed that as a mom or dad, “love doesn’t stop, it can’t,” no matter what choices your child makes. Over and over, I heard the same resolve: we will keep on loving our kids and those attached to them, even if it tears our hearts out.

These parents’ stories carried common themes: heartbreak, yes, but also fervent prayer, clear boundaries on what they can’t approve, love without affirming the sin, and a stubborn hope that even after years of silence, God can still bring prodigals home.

Crucially, nearly every person emphasized the power of prayer. “GIVE IT OVER TO GOD AND GO TO SLEEP!! … Pray without ceasing!” one grandmother urged. Another parent wrote, “It takes a great deal of prayer… and even greater patience… We are just very thankful that the LORD is guiding us… It is a comfort to know that He knows the solution… even when we are overwhelmed!” When we’re at our wits’ end, these parents remind us, God is not. He hears our cries and will work in ways we can’t.

Some readers also gently pointed out that showing Christlike love doesn’t mean enduring abuse. One noted that the boyfriend’s behavior amounted to “verbal abuse… on purpose… It is evil of him. Setting boundaries might wake the two of them up.” In other words, it’s okay, even necessary, to respectfully insist on respect. You can love someone unconditionally and still refuse to tolerate open disrespect or destructive behavior in your home. Several parents shared how God led them to exercise “tough love” at times while continuing to pray and remain open to reconciliation. Love sometimes says, “This is not okay,” not to condemn a person, but to stand for truth in the hope of guiding them back to wholeness.

Perhaps the most powerful theme from these families is that unconditional love does not equal endorsement. It’s possible to include a wayward child or loved one in your life without affirming their choices. As one reader explained, “We can only love… with God’s love… remember ONLY God can change people’s hearts, and ONLY the Holy Spirit can open their eyes to see the Truth… keep praying for that person, not preaching at them or beating them over the head with the Bible.” In other words, leave the heart-changing to God. Our part is to keep reflecting Christ’s love and truth in all we do.

Finally, remember: no matter how messy things get, Jesus is with you, and He specializes in bringing prodigals home. Keep loving, keep praying, and keep leaning on the Lord. Your quiet faithfulness is making a difference. And never forget—our lives preach before our lips do.

Because of Jesus,

Arnie Cole 

Spiritual Fitness Researcher & Coach