Why You Need a Mentor, and How to Find One

In last week’s first post in this series, I talked about “why mentoring matters.” In this week’s post, we’ll briefly review why we need mentors, and I’ll spend most of the time giving direction on how to find a mentor.  

To review, why do we need mentors? 

1. It’s biblical. We can name them. Moses and Joshua. Jethro and Moses. Naomi and Ruth. Jesus and His disciples. Paul and Timothy. Paul himself told us that we must teach the next generation (Titus 2).

   
   

2. We’re created to be in relationship with others. When God declared it was not good for Adam to be alone (Gen. 2:18), He was showing us that none of us is created to be a loner. He expects us to walk together with others. 

   
   

3. None of us knows everything. I don’t know anyone who would say he knows all things, but I do know unteachable people who live that way. We're not so smart that we have nothing to learn from another. 

   
   

4. All of us have blind spots. By definition, a “blind spot” is something we don’t see. We need someone else to help us see ourselves fully. 

   
   

5. Life will sting sometime. It happens to all of us. The proverbial floor drops out beneath us. Our plans get redirected or shattered. Life hurts—and we need someone to help us carry the burden when it does. 

   
   

6. People are God’s gift to us. Dr. Bill Lane, the mentor of Christian musician Michael Card, put it this way: “When God gives a gift, He wraps it in a person.”ⁱ We miss this gift when no one walks beside us to guide and encourage us. 

   
   

So, how do you find this mentor? Here are some steps to take. 

1. Forget about how old, trained, or smart you are. You will need somebody to pour into your life until you die. One of my mentors is 80 years old, and he has mentors who are 90+ in age. In fact, he had one mentor who died at 102! We simply don’t outgrow our need for others to speak into our lives.  

   
   

2. Pray for a mentor. God alone creates “divine intersections” when one life crisscrosses another in such a way that both lives are strengthened. Ask Him (1) to show you those intersections in your life, (2) to help you not to overlook them, (3) to give you courage to ask someone to invest in you, and (4) to encourage you to keep looking if someone first answers “no” to your request.  

   
   

3. Look around. Watch for believers whose lives you trust. Look for those whose walk with God you want to emulate. I generally look for “faithfulness” and “fruitfulness”—a consistent walk that evidences the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23). I also look for someone I think I would enjoy spending time with – especially someone who enjoys the same hobbies and activities I do—though I’ve had some great mentors who don’t share these interests.  

   
   

4. Ask . . . and keep asking until you find a mentor. I wish all older believers would seek mentees on their own, much like Jesus and Paul did when they sought disciples. I’ll talk in a later post about why most older believers don’t take this step, but for now, I encourage you to prayerfully start asking someone to mentor you. Let me be honest with you, though: you might need to ask a few people before you find someone who agrees to walk with you. Folks in my generation typically have not been mentored, and they don’t always know what you might expect from a mentor. They often fear they won’t be a good mentor, so their default is sometimes a quick “no.” Don’t give up quickly, however—just keep asking until God connects you with the right person.  

   
   

5. Consider asking someone living elsewhere to be your mentor via electronic means. I don’t think this approach is always the best one, but it does work (in fact, I’ll write a later post about how to mentor electronically). Many of my own mentees are former students I now invest in as they serve God someplace else in North America or around the world. Your goal is to find the right person to mentor you, regardless of where he or she lives.  

   
   

6. Be grateful for whatever a mentor might offer. Think about it this way. On a scale of 1-10, assume you want your mentor to be a “10.” There’s nothing wrong with seeking the best, but not everyone can give you that much time and energy to be a “10.” If your prospective mentor offers all he or she can give you to be a “6,” you have two options: be disappointed because you can’t find a “10,” or be grateful you can get at least a “6.” Obviously, I want you to do the latter. Someone who starts out as a “6” might offer you much more once you start the relationship. And, one hour with the right mentor is worth the effort even if you still long for more.  

   
   

7. Invest in somebody else yourself. While you seek a mentor, you also have something you can teach somebody else. Invite someone to lunch. Learn what you can learn about that person. Ask how you might pray for him or her. As the opportunity allows, give encouragement or guidance. You might find that God will direct you to a mentor after you begin giving yourself away. 

   
   

Here's my final suggestion: take advantage of this post. If you’re looking for a mentor and have someone in mind, direct him or her to this post. Start somewhere, and see if a mentoring relationship develops. I’m praying for “divine intersections” even as I write this post.