The Possibilities of Mentoring Remotely

I’ve noted throughout this series on mentoring that many believers want someone to walk with them in their Christian journey. Sometimes, though, it’s not easy to find someone to serve as a mentor. In this post, I want you to think about a mentoring option that might be a surprise to you: developing a remote mentoring relationship, either as mentor or mentee.  I am not arguing in this post that remote mentoring is necessarily the best way to tackle this discipleship task. On the other hand, I do think there are times when this approach is workable and effective. In fact, I have at times been mentoring more men outside of Wake Forest, NC (where I live and teach) than in Wake Forest. Here are some of my reflections about those experiences. 

1. Many of us who disciple will be forced by our mobile society to consider

   discipling remotely at some point. 

   Mentees move. They get distant jobs. God calls them to other places. For many folks, long gone are the days when they stayed in one area their entire lives. In those cases, we have a couple choices: stop mentoring, or figure out how to do it from a distance. I’m not inclined to just halt the discipling relationship, especially if the mentee wants to continue it. I prefer to determine the best way to make it work.  

   
   

2. Almost all of my remote discipling relationships began with at least one face-to-face, in-person meeting. 

   Some of my mentees were my students who’ve now graduated or moved to a new ministry setting. I met others while speaking briefly in collegiate conferences. In rare cases, I started mentoring someone after we met when speaking at a local church somewhere in the U.S. Geographic distance in all these cases makes it hard for us to meet in person now, but we do still meet regularly. 

   
   

3. Almost all of my remote mentees also have someone closer to home who walks beside them. 

   This insight is really an important one to me. The best mentors I know are happy to be only one of several mentors that invest in the same person, recognizing that all of us bring something different to the mentoring relationship. Most of the time, my remote mentees have at least one other mentor who attends their local church with them or who serves in another local church or ministry in the area. In any case, I’m not their only discipler—and I think this is ideal. 

   
   

4. Frankly, it’s sometimes easier to catch up with someone via phone than it is to meet in person. 

   We learned this truth in the days of the global COVID pandemic, but it’s most often the case these days, too. Everybody’s busy. Few of us have a lot of extra time. Some of us travel a lot and find ourselves in different time zones throughout the week. What I’ve learned over the years is that you can accomplish solid mentoring via a short phone call or electronic meeting (in my estimation, much more than you can with an ongoing text exchange). 

   
   

5. We still have honest, hard, needed conversations virtually. 

   I understand those who are concerned that it's probably easier to avoid honesty over the Internet, but that possibility doesn’t mean hard conversations never work. I ask my mentees some of the same questions whether they’re in front of me in person or on a screen from another time zone. I may not be able to read their body language when I can see only their face, but you can determine a lot by facial expressions, too. A genuine relationship allows for honesty, no matter the medium. 

   
   

6. Even remotely, we can still talk about Bible passages, discuss sermons, pray, and consider life together. 

   I greatly enjoy hiking in the woods with a mentee, talking about ministry and life as the conversation naturally develops. We get to see the glory of God’s creation while also serving as iron sharpening iron for one another, and I treasure that kind of experience. You might be surprised, though, how much you can carry on that same kind of conversation while connecting from a distance. And, in fact, I occasionally schedule a conversation with a mentee while I’m hiking with my Aussie Shepherd, Max—so I still get the time in nature that I love.  

   
   

7. I miss the times of doing ministry together in a way that models and encourages my mentees, but that’s okay. 

   My situation is unique, as many of the young men I mentor are preparing for or currently doing ministry. If I first met them on our campus or in our church, I probably had some opportunity to walk with them through good times and tough times of ministry. I admit that I miss those opportunities, but here’s what helps me deal with that reality: all of us who mentor someone should prayerfully desire for them to do greater things for God than we’ve ever done. We should be equipping others to send them out—not to draw them to ourselves for our own “kingdom.”  

   
   

8. I have the blessing of a ministry that sometimes allows me to visit some of my mentees when I’m on the road. 

   I realize that not everyone has those opportunities, and my opportunities are not many unless a mentee pastor invites me to speak—but, I’m really grateful for those times. It’s really fun for me to visit with a mentee, see how God is using him in his particular ministry context, perhaps meet his congregation, and pray with him. Those times are sweet, indeed, but it’s the remote discipling the rest of the time that keeps the mentoring/discipleship relationship current.  

Frankly, mentoring remotely sometimes takes more work to clear schedules, set times to meet, and intentionally keep up with one another. It works, though, and I encourage you to look at this discipleship option, too.